Saturday, October 13, 2007


My friend, Jann, and I have lost touch. We didn't stop talking for any particular reason other than that our lives are completely different. I am a married, SAHM of two. She is a divorced, childless, working woman. We didn't make a conscious decision to not talk, it just sort of happened. She came to visit about a month after The Conqueror was born and that was the last time we spoke.

I felt relieved, honestly, though. It was often difficult to come up with things to talk about. As a SAHM, I sometimes feel like my tales of diapers, school functions and kid illnesses just don't compare to those of a working person. I think society teaches us that and, even though I know that I do an important job, I feel a little less than my working friends.

Jann, though, has said things off the cuff in the past about SAHMs and other things related to this that kind of made it clear that she thinks it is all eating bonbons and watching Oprah. So, I have felt just a little uncomfortable around her. Also, she is dating/engaged to a guy that I am not particularly crazy about and I was a little too vocal about these feelings so, I am not blameless in this situation, either.

I was sad when we began to drift apart a few years ago. We had been friends for years and years. We actually attended kindergarten together but really became friends in junior high school. I stressed about losing this friendship but felt like it was inevitable because of the different paths our lives had taken.

On Friday, though, Jann called. RxMan told me it was her before I answered (thanks to the wonder that is Caller ID) and I groaned. I really didn't want to talk to her but chose to because I hate returning phone calls. Well, it was surprisingly wonderful to talk to her. It was great to ignore the din of a whining baby, sick seven year old and a busy daddy. RxMan took over with the munchkins and I just talked to my friend. For an hour and a half. And it was really great.

We talked about my kids and she seemed truly interested. She chastised me for not sending photos. We spoke about our parents and extended families and former classmates. We gossiped and laughed. We dissected her failed marriage and my career options. I can't say it enough, it was a good hour and a half.

I learned something in that time. No, Jann and I are not the close, BFFs of ten years ago but there is still an affinity and a closeness that new friendships just can't compete with. She just knew to ask certain things that newer friends don't. She and I have a history that includes inside jokes and shared secrets. I missed this and I didn't even know it.

So, after talking on the phone for 90 minutes, I had to go to help with The Conqueror. We exchanged IM info and promised to email, IM and get together soon when she is in my area visiting her mother. When I checked my email a short time later, she had written, saying, "It was great catching up! Funny how we can not talk for months and pick right up where we left off." Then, we IM'd for an hour.

I guess this was just a reminder to me that friendships wax and wane; they evolve. I am not so eager now to write off this friendship as I was a few days ago. Sure, our lives are different but that isn't a bad thing. It is just going to require more effort on both parts to find a common ground. An old friend is just what I need right now.


MamaMichelsBabies said...

YOu could have been writing about a relationship I have with a friend of mine. I haven't spoken to her since I was pregnant with Clutch, and we have quite a few of the same differences, although being seperated in age by 8 years, her 2 kids are way older then mine and she doesn't seem to "get" the SAHM thing as she'd never done it. Much less with 5 sometimes 6 kids.

She also makes a lot of the same comments, which is why I'm not calling her right now.. and in reality, I also could have put more effort into "women time" and showed up at her place without a kid or two in tow... we are good friends, but at this point in our lives, we are also on opposite ends of the spectrum.

I hope one day we will talk, get it out and resume our friend ship. I miss her.

I'm glad you got to catch up.. make that effort.,.. it's so worth it in the end.

Oh.. and a sick 7 year old? Iee... hope she's feeling better soon.

WorksForMom said...

Beautiful post. I can identifify as well with my high school BFF. Isn't it something how people drift like that? I'm glad you 2 got to catch up...