Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Wal-Martians

So, I went to Wal-Mart today with RxMan in order to get groceries and supplies to make cupcakes for Her Highness's classroom party on Thursday. We got our stuff with little trouble except there were about 3 million others in there preparing for the snow (which my husband calls the White Death because people here freak out about it) that is approaching.

As we were leaving, $134 poorer, I might add, I looked into the photo studio and was surprised to see a flag much like this one hanging as a backdrop (I tried to take a photo with my phone but it was removed too quickly):



Now, I have problems with this flag on a number of levels. Of course, I am against all that the Confederacy stood for; that is a given. I think displays such as this are as ignorant and distasteful as swastikas. Furthermore, the idea of the south actually being restored to its former "glory" is especially unlikely with Obama chomping up the delegates as he is. Yeah.

That being said, I have another problem with this.

I live in Ohio.

The only places we are southern of are Cleveland and Canada. Seriously. I live on the edge of Appalachia, it's true, but I didn't realize that our school systems were so badly educating our citizens. We may say "pop" instead of soda but many of us do no sum geografy.

I think that in my area, particularly, this flag is seen as a symbol of being a rebel. Or a redneck. (Yes, this is sort of cool amongst a segment of the population around these parts.) I see it as just another sign of stupidity. And where best to display this in a family portrait taken by the fine folks at Wal-Mart. Oh, had I not mentioned it was a family shoot? Yep. Mom, Dad, and two fine looking androgynous children, sporting mullets and camo. Daggum.

After I ran to the restroom to avoid peeing my pants from laughing so hard, we went on to the car. As we were unloading our rather skimpy loot (that cost $134!), a tiny, fragile elderly man approached a car two spots down from ours. I wouldn't have noticed him except that he began shouting- and I do mean SHOUTING- the f-bomb about his g-d car.

This slight little wisp of a man had the mouth of Howard Stern and was beating the living h-e-double hockey sticks out of his effin' car, which apparently his effin' wife had locked the effin' doors for the 11th effin' time this g-d day. I busted up laughing- again. He heard me and knew it was about him, which only effin' enraged him more.

Then, as he was zooming out of the effin' parking lot, he honked the effin' horn and gave me the finger.

You just never know what you're gonna see at Wal-Mart.

15 comments:

Jenni said...

So was that an actual Wal-Mart backdrop that they provided? If so, I'd complain. OK, free speech, yada yada, maybe I wouldn't.

We see a lot of those over here too. Im trying desperately not to introduce the word "redneck" into my children's vocabulary. So far, I've succeeded. But Wal-Mart tries the limits.

suchsimplepleasures said...

it never ceases to amaze me...the stories on blogs of things that happen at wal-mart!!! i think i'm going to have to start hanging out there...simply because i am finding hardly anything to post about around my house!!
where in ohio are you? i'm in michigan...i hope we aren't getting snow!! white death...hilarious! and, people drive, when there has been snow...like they have never driven in or seen it, before!!
xoxo

Toni said...

No, Jenni, Wal-Mart didn't provide the backdrop, the family brought it in with them. It was a sort of oversized flag or handkerchief. I should've been more specific- sorry!

Marie said...

Reason number 1,638 that I hate Walmart! You just never know what you are going to see and/or experience in that place. Ugh!

By the way...I tagged you over on my blog.

Patois said...

That's just so crazy. Wal-Mart, low prices and lower standards for entrance. (Hey, I can say that 'cause I go there from time to time.)

Kathryn said...

Man! The things that happen at Walmart! Good grief! I feel sorry for the person who had to take the family's picture. I would probably have said, "I'm sorry, I have to take my break now." and then quickly escaped out the back door.
Scary.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

I hate Wally World. I was given a gift card there for Christmas & promptly regifted it to avoid going there. I know they pay your bills, but seriously? WTH!!

Jennifer, Le Binky Bitch said...

NO WAY!!! I thought this was something you'd see in my old town in Alabama, NOT in Ohio???

DIXIECHICK said...

Unbelievable..I am southern through and through...but something I have never tolerated is that flag and what it stands for...I am proud of my heritage, of being from the south...but, The Rebel flag...not so much. I agree with you..WalMart is always good for a laugh....people are crazy...lol....next thing you will see, not only a walk in clinic at a Walmart..but also, A Wedding chapel on one end...Divorce lawyer on another, then WalMart will truly have everything..lol. I too can never get out of there for less than a $100.

desperate housewife said...

This is a case in point for why I object to Ohio in general, despite being a native. We're Northerners, yes, but instead of embracing it we aspire to redneck glory and immitate our hilljack Kentuckian neighbors. I mean, no offense to Kentucky, not everyone is a hilljack THERE either, but at least if they are it's more... Culturally acceptable. Here I find it just tragic and depressing.

MamaGeek said...

Oh that's just all SORTS of funny. That flag as a prop? Nice. I can only imagine what their Christmas cards look like.

Wal-Martians is the most perfect title for this post. That place always makes me twitch. ALWAYS.

Nap Warden said...

That is scary! I don't do Wal Mart...I'm in the city, and there isn't one. I don't feel like I'm missing much...

Kellan said...

Yep - you never know what you're going to see at Wal-Mart - it takes all kinds, doesn't it! How funny and crazy! Take care - Kellan

Robin said...

Wow.

dawn224 said...

Do you think you could send him to your in-laws?