Haiku Friday

Whining, Crying, Tears

Baby has not been happy

What is wrong with him?

So, I know you are probably tired of hearing what a cranker I have for a son. Me, too. It reached epic proportions, though, yesterday and I am convinced there is something going on with him. He cried for about 6 hours of the nine he was awake. Now, it wasn't full bore tears the entire time, but a lot of fussiness and whining. I would blame it on teething but my friend Jodi said, does he have a full set yet? This sort of alerted me that maybe it isn't teething and I have been blaming a lot of unhappiness on that. So, today we are waiting to see how he behaves and will be calling the ped if the cranky monster rears its ugly head because this SAHM just about had it yesterday. I was ready to pull my hair out. I had bad thoughts that scared me. Of course, RxMan was working and is unable to come home on a whim, my mom has shingles and my friend Steph was away. Sigh. It was not a good day to be at home, alone, for 13 hours with an unhappy dude. So, fingers crossed for a much better day; so far, so good.

Oh, and it is Haiku Friday, wanna join us??

Hannah Montana

Miley Cyrus (aka Hannah Montana) is coming to Columbus on December 11th and I thought what a great idea to take Her Highness, my niece and go see this concert for HH's birthday gift (her b-day is 12/9). I even got a hold of some other friends with little 7 and 8 year olds and we were going to make a day of it: shop, dinner, concert. Hell, sounds like a great freakin' time for my birthday, y'know?

So, the plans were hatched. I should have known better than to think it would work out. Way too many variables. At least I didn't tell HH. Oh, she would still be crying.

The day the tickets went on sale, RxMan was all ready. We had verified our credit card info with Ticketmaster and were set to order. 10:00AM rolls around and we are online, along with other friends trying to score tickets. At 10:02, sold out. That pissed me off.

Is Miley Cyrus Elvis reincarnate? Maybe The Beatles? This is ridiculous. Well, turns out that there were pre-sales for fan club members but I still don't know why no one that I know got any tickets on Saturday.

I am pretty disgusted with this whole concert ticket crap. Tickets are outrageously priced and then you can't even get in to see a 14 year old?

So, no concert for us unless I decide to cough up $300+ for tickets. Not gonna happen. Ever.

I Have a Confession To Make...

I'm a bit of a nosy Rosie. Okay, more than a bit. In a lot of ways, I really don't care what other people do but I am a bit overpreoccupied with the people who live across from my family.

Part of that stems from the fact that the wife/mom of the family and I are friends. For a while we were really great friends but we both had babies within seven weeks of each other and they got in the way of our closeness. Also, her husband is an ass.

When we moved into this neighborhood two years ago, RxMan, Her Highness and I made fast friends with this family. They had a daughter (well, it is his daughter but she lives with them full-time) in HH's grade and we all just hit it off. We took turns taking the girls to school and picking them up, we shopped together and visited often. They watched HH for me one night a week while I was in school and I kept the daughter one evening while they worked. Often, I would babysit the 1 year old boy. We went to hockey games together. Honestly, we were good friends.

But, not long before the babies were born, the dad in this family, who shows a lot of OCD traits, started not speaking to me if I was there when he arrived home from work. Now, this guy is obsessive in many ways: he showers 3 times a day, using a bar of soap a week (per the wife) and he mows 3-4 times a week from March until December. He also scrubs the garage floor and cleans the gutters, inside and out, with a rag and bucket. (Quite honestly, the outside of their home is much cleaner than the inside of mine.) And, he calls himself a "family man" but spends more time outside or inside scouring than he ever does with his three children.

But I digress--

So this guy started acting irritated by my occassional presence when he returned home from work; I just made an effort not to be around when he was home. Then other little things came to my attention, like, the mom was always complaining that the little girl was hard to get up in the morning for school and cried a lot but they would stay out until 11:00 on school nights. Okay, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. And, the little girl told HH that "her dad said she was going to play soccer and be a better player than HH." Okay. WTF?? I have tried really hard not to make HH a competetive child. I have instilled in her that everyone is different and is good at different things and this really pissed me off. Y'know, it's my kid. She is a lovely, nice girl and it really got under my skin.

And, I thought these were my friends....

So, I have kept my distance from this family a little more than before. Frankly, I am annoyed by the fact that I can hear their nine month old baby crying all day and they are frantically outside scrubbing car carpet and sidewalks and mailboxes. The Conqueror is a little too loved, I know. I probably shoulda let him cry it out way more than I have (never!). My house is a lot messier than theirs.

We are still friendly, the mom and I. I still really like her. I like her kids. But, the closeness is gone. So, for now, RxMan and I peek out from behind our curtains and make bets with the other neighbors on how many times this family will clean the garage, gutters, driveway this week.

Marriage is Tough

That is something that they forget to tell a young couple during pre-marital counseling but it's true. It is hard. Really hard sometimes. Of course, the counseling that RxMan and I had lasted all of 45 minutes and consisted of a little financial lecture, a reminder to use birth control and 30 minutes of discussing wedding minutiae. So, no, there was little talk of how irritating it can be to live with another person who is different than you.

Now, don't worry, friends. RxMan and I are not headed to Judge Wapner's courtroom. We are just having a rough patch, as he says. He is stressing because of crap at the evil empire and I am stressed from this boy child of ours who is apparently teething again. So, we take our frustrations out on one another. I bite his head off with remarks like, "If you had a brain, you'd..." or "I'm tired of being a single parent!" He, then, reciprocates with some other disparaging remarks and it's on. This happens, more often than not, in the wee hours of the morning when The Conqueror decides it is time to wake up and wave at the junk on the walls.

No one warns you how irritating this person whom you love can be once you live with them for nine years. (Okay, okay, ten. We lived in sin for a year. Or more.) RxMan snores. Really. Really. Loud. Really. He doesn't do anything the easy way. He can't remember anything. But, he is an excellent cook, helps out around the house and is a wonderful daddy. And he always puts the seat down! Sometimes, though, it is really hard to remember those good things when I am tired and frustrated. And, believe me, I know I am no ball of sunshine to live with. I am disorganized. I am critical. I am messy. And, I know these things are equally irritating to him. Heck, they're irritating to me!

I just feel like couples should be reminded that marriage isn't always romance, sex and happiness. Sometimes it is fighting over money (or lack thereof!), arguing over the laundry, or mowing the lawn. I don't feel I was sold a bad bill of goods, though, by any stretch. I feel very blessed to have married the greatest guy I know and will fight tooth and nail to save my marriage in the event that it is in jeopardy.

So, I am going to try to remember that I need to be more aware of what I am saying. Even at 4:30 in the morning. I am going to try to not get frustrated with his short-temperedness because 98% of that is because of a couple idiots that he works with and the company in general.

You see, even though I think marriage is difficult. It is a good difficult. It is having someone to watch movies with on a Friday evening in your mismatched, ripped pjs. It is having someone to share two beautiful children with. It is knowing that if you are sad, he'll be sad, too. Marriage is the hardest and best thing I have ever done and I owe it to myself, RxMan and my children to work harder at it than I have been.

My Theory

I have a theory.




My theory is that God makes babies cute so you'll take care of them. Here's why I believe this: babies. are. not. really. fun.




I mean, yeah, they smell good. Okay, they smell like heaven. But, that is when they have a clean, fresh diaper or before beginning solids. And, yes, their teeny, tiny fingers and nibbleable toes are too tempting. There eyes are too die for.




But they cry. A. Lot. They whine. They teeth. They get constipated. They wake at horribly early early hours of the day. They fall off of things.



So, really, you tell me what's fun about a baby?



Okay, okay. There is that whole unconditional love thing. That is pretty cool. And, yes, there is the fact that when they do sleep, they look like little cherubs. Of course, there is that first smile and kiss. And when they wave. Backwards.



Okay, I still think that my theory has some validity but it has holes, okay?

Haiku Friday

Fall is almost here

Jackets, blue jeans and sweaters

The best time of year

So, it has a bit of a fourth grade feel, I know but...it's Haiku Friday and it's fun!

Wanna play along?

Autism

When RxMan and I decided that we did want to have another child about two years ago, I was adamant that I didn't want a son. The reasons were many but one was the risk of autism, which affects 1 of 150 children today. The risks for boys is 3 - 4 times higher. I took a class a few years ago which dealt, in part, with autism spectrum disorders. It was really enlightening and has allowed me to be a much more understanding parent dealing with these children in Her Highness's classroom. I knew, however, from this course that autism is a devastating diagnosis and that boys are way more likely to have it than girls.

Of course, we did have a son. A rotten, wonderful little boy who I wouldn't trade for three girls. I am glad that God saw beyond my concerns and sent this little dude into my life because he is giving me joy and challenges in ways that HH never has. I guess what doesn't kill you teaches you, right?? (: But I do still worry. And autism is one of those worries. Lately, everywhere I look, it is on TV or in the news.

On Tuesday, Sept. 18, Oprah had Jenny McCarthy on. I rarely get an opportunity to watch Oprah these days; she is on when HH just gets in from school and, honestly, TC doesn't allow much TV watching. I did see this one, though, and it has me really, really concerned now about autism.

For those who didn't see the episode, McCarthy has a 5 year old son who has autism. She details her struggles in a new book. It was rather heartwarming to hear this woman, who I really don't know why is famous except for having big boobs and blonde hair, talk so lovingly about her son. He is obviously the reason she lives. Her son has really struggled with autism and McCarthy has become a true advocate for him and others suffering with this disease.

One of the things often mentioned with autism is the belief that many parents have that their sons and daughters developed autism after the MMR vaccine. I believe this occurs right around 2. McCarthy was one who noticed a link between the immunization and the onset of autism-like symptoms.

So, I am beginning to look into autism and its causes. What is important to note is the CDC is studying this possible link:
"CDC places a high priority on vaccine safety and the integrity and credibility of its vaccine safety research. This commitment not only stems from our scientific and medical dedication, it is also personal—for most of us who work at CDC are also parents and grandparents. And as such, we too, have high levels of personal interest and concern in the health and safety of children, families and communities. We simply don't know what causes most cases of autism, but we're doing everything we can to find out. The vast majority of science to date does not support an association between thimerosal in vaccines and autism. But we are currently conducting additional studies to further determine what role, if any, thimerosal in vaccines may play in the development of autism. It is important to remember, vaccines protect and save lives. Vaccines protect infants, children and adults from the unnecessary harm and premature death caused by vaccine-preventable diseases."

So, for now, it is an information gathering time for me. RxMan brings up the point that vaccines are required for school. It's true. But, I think it is definitely worth checking into and having a conversation with our wonderful pediatrician, don't you?

Now That's Enjoying Dinner!!!

When's the last time carrots made you smile like that?

Oh, Mr. Sandman... Where Are You???

Her Highness and I have been a little under the weather over the weekend; she more so than I. I just have a sinusy thing and the aches. HH is coughing, sneezing, hoarse, etc. Of course, she finished her strep throat anitbiotic the day this bout of symptoms appeared. Isn't that always how it works?

I have been dreading The Conqueror getting sick. Of course, I don't want either of my children to feel bad but, as he is still an infant, it affects me more than when HH gets ill. Well, it has happened and the first thing that goes in our house is the sleeping. I'm not 100% sure if he is sick or teething or a combination of the two. Either way, the kid is a crank and unhappy in a bad way.

He was up every two hours last night. That is so difficult on a person to get up and down and up and down with a whiny, stuffy baby. It was like having a newborn again and I have pretty much sworn that off for, oh, FOREVER! I feel bad for the poor little dude 'cause he can't say, oh, well, my throat hurts or my head hurts but I'm feeling pretty sorry for me today, too. I am tired. Tired. Exhausted. Worn out. I feel like I partied all night long minus the upset stomach and embarrassment.

So, if you happen to run into the sandman, send him our way and right quick 'cause we are t-i-r-e-d over here!

Comment please!

I am trying to increase traffic on my blog. So, if you are a reader and, I know there are a few out there, send me a shout out so I can get a little boost of confidence to keep at this blogging business. Why are you reading me? What would you like me to write more about?

So, comment please, few readers! No more lurking!!!!

Haiku Friday

The girl is at school

The Conqueror is napping

Mommy is surfing!

I am not a poet, although I am taking a creative writing: poetry course this quarter. I thought this would be a good way to brush up on haiku! Wanna join in the fun? Go to A Mommy Story and get the info....

Yummm...Crow!

As a mother of only one child, I got a bit of a big head about myself and my parenting skills. After some initial troubles with Her Highness's formula, I was able to schedule her easily. At six months she began showing obvious signs of asthma and allergies and that led to RxMan sleeping with her in a chair for the better part of the next year and a half but, after that, my girl was a sleeper. She slept well at night and napped often and lengthily. Her naps were so scheduled that they ruled my/our life. If errands were to be done, they must be done in the 2 1/2 - 3 hour window between morning and afternoon naps. Holidays and birthday parties were a nightmare because my family always has them smack in the middle of the day. But, she was scheduled.

I remember bragging (first mistake) that I could schedule any child. I am a creature of habit and thrive on a routine. I felt that any child would be schedule-able. I gave my sister-in-law and neighbors haughty advice (second mistake) on how to improve their children and their sleeping habits. See, I felt that my success with HH and my own personal routine would mesh well with all babies.

Then I had The Conqueror.

And God. Laughed. Really. Really. Hard.

Didn't I know that pride is one of the seven deadly sins? Was I asking to be proven wrong? What the hell was I thinking blowing off my big trap to these other people based on the experience of having one child who has a very easygoing attitude/personality and spent the better part of her first 6 years drugged and sick?!?!

I love TC. I do. He is a blessing. But, this kid is hard. Really, really hard. He will sleep well at night. Takes a great morning nap. And then naps early in the afternoon for, like, 30 minutes. Then he is awake and cranking until bedtime.

So, I have tried everything that my self-proclaimed baby expert self can conjure up but to no avail. Occasionally, he naps well both times. Those are just little tricks that he pulls to mess with my head so I spend the next 3 days figuring out why he did so well on that day. Yes, this child is a whole different beast than HH.

Now, I must eat crow. And, let me tell ya: it isn't very tasty.

Netflix Rocks!

As you remember, RxMan's birthday was last week. The problem with that, well, besides the getting older all around part, is that he is an excellent gift giver. He is. He always gets me really funny, sweet cards and great gifts. I, on the other hand, have a hard time getting him a good present. Some of the problem with that lies in the fact that the gifts he wants are high-tech and costs hundreds, if not thousands of dollars.

But this year I had a secret weapon. I had been planning this birthday gift since last winter. I got him Netflix. He is a Star Trek, sci-fi nerd. He admits it; I'm not just talking trash. He loves movies but with his schedule at work, it is honestly hard to watch a movie in its entirety in one sitting. Then there is the fact that we are both irresponsible and end up racking up late fees right quickly.

That is the beauty of Netflix, though. NO LATE FEES! Holla! So, I bought him a 4 month membership to Netflix- just to make sure he likes it. He does. Like it. Loves! It! So, far he has received 3 movies and is waiting on the fourth. He said it is the best gift I have given him in a long time. Maybe ever.

So, if you have a techie/nerd in your life, try Netflix. It'll get you some brownie points.

A Day Which Will Live In Infamy...

That is how FDR characterized the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. My grandpa, only a boy of 11, remembers that day sitting around the radio (remember pre-TV) listening to the broadcast and feeling as if Pearl Harbor was down the street and that the Japanese were going to be bombing his small, mostly agrarian community. He then remembers standing in ration lines and having to sit in the dark all evening as the government was concerned that lights would alert bombers flying overhead to the civilians below. Six years ago, I could never have imagined sharing a similar experience such as this with my grandfather.

Then Sept. 11th happened. It was just an ordinary day for us. RxMan was on vacation and we were doing some things around the house. Her Highness was 21 months old and we were watching Nickelodeon. Then the phone rang. My mother, who never, ever calls me, was phoning from work and wanted to make sure I was watching the news. Quickly, we switched channels.

And my world collapsed.

I really couldn't fathom the things that I was seeing on TV. Planes crashing into the World Trade Center? I didn't see the first one but RxMan and I sat in stunned silence as the second jet roared into the towers. I remember groaning and praying inside that this was a homegrown act of terror because if it was not we were going to war.

As the day wore on, I was more sad and worried than I ever remember being before in my life. I remember looking at my precious baby and wondering if having her was a mistake. What kind of life would she have when things like this were happening in America? We were the good guys. We have the most sophisticated Army in the world and there were planes flying into buildings and thousands of people were dead?! How in the world did this happen in America!?

I did not sleep for days. Every thought I had was consumed with all of those poor dead people. I worried if there were children in the towers. I waited for the rescuers to find someone- anyone- in the rubble. It did not happen. I prayed like I hadn't prayed in years, maybe ever. I held my little daughter tighter and my husband, too. I was scared. Terrified, in fact.

We had to turn off the coverage of the rescue efforts, just as Laura Bush recommended, because Her Highness was really affected by our constant tension and sadness. I made a conscious effort to put on a happy face for my child although the uncertainty loomed like a rain cloud in my life.

Life slowly got back to normal. But it was a new normal. Names like Rumsfeld and Bin Laden became part of my normal vernacular. I learned about jihad and that most of the Islamic world really would love to see the fall of our society. This was hard for me to believe because I thought we were the good guys. What had those 3000 people done to the terrorists? What had I done to them?

Six years later, I still turn the TV on every morning with just a little dread in my gut wondering if today is the day that will be the new September 11th. And, so far, each day I have breathed a sigh of relief that it didn't happen yet. So, has a lot changed in those six years? Our country is at war. Our economy is still struggling. Unemployment is up. But there have been no more terror attacks on our soil and for that I am glad.

So, tomorrow, a date I will never, ever forget, I will hug my husband, little girl and baby boy a little tighter and say an extra prayer for the safety of our soldiers, country and the families of those who perished on 9/11. And I will always believe in my heart that we are the good guys.

God Bless America... today and always.

My Son Loves Boobs!

I am not a person who is very open or out there about my decision to breastfeed The Conqueror; I am not embarrassed but I am a very modest person and, for me, breastfeeding is a private, wonderful thing for my family. That being said, if you are a breastfeeding mom who chooses to do it publicly, good for you! I am not that person but do not want to take that right away from another mom who is working hard, and it can be very hard, to nourish her child.

So, this post over at A Mommy Story really got my juices going this morning. I don't know why America has no problem with Britney, Eve and the likes trampin' around showing off their breasts when a lovely, discreet photo of a mother nursing her infant gets you kicked off Facebook. Can you say RIDICULOUS!??!

Again, as I have mentioned, I am not a breastfeeding nazi. I formula fed Her Highness for a variety of reasons and it was fine. I could explain some of the reasons that I chose to stick it out with TC but the truth is I found it to be the right choice for me. At least we get to make that choice, right?

I hate how, in my family at least, the fact that I breastfeed makes me something of a strange, freakish novelty. At first, family members, would say, "oh, is it time to breastfeed the baby?" Not just feed him but breastfeed him. Whenever it was mentioned the entire group would pause and shudder. There were comments about not wanting a baby hooked to them all the time. My mom would always follow up the conversation where it was revealed with, "Tell 'em, why. Tell 'em about HH's asthma and what the doctor said."

Well, I usually did tell them what she wanted me to. But, I am tired now of sharing excuses why I breastfed my son. I wanted to: damn the asthma, reflux and other issues! For me, it was something I wanted to accomplish and, I am proud to say, I did it. It was sooo hard in the beginning but I stuck it out and, eight months later, we are still nursing successfully.

So, if you are a Facebook member, join Hey Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene! group to show support. Thanks for listening to my rant this morning!

Don't Wish It Away...

Because of RxMan's birthday earlier this week, I have been reflecting on the quickness with which time passes by. Ever since I had Her Highness, it seems like the days and then weeks and months just skate by. My neighbor and I lamented quite frequently through the month of August "where did the summer go?" And, it is true, where did it go?

It is so hard to believe that HH has been back in school for three weeks (even though she missed all but one day last week sick with what turned out to be strep throat)! Or that The Conqueror is over eight months and crawling! OMG!

I remember being a kid and thinking I would never be in high school. At HH's age, being sixteen seemed like a lifetime away and the years between seven and sixteen were doubled at least. Now, sixteen seems a lifetime away again but not necessarily in a good way. I am sixteen years past that magical year of driving and the freedom associated with it. Not that I would want to return to those days. I wouldn't.

They were good days. I enjoyed high school. I had lots of friends and got to do pretty much whatever I wanted. School was easy for me. I wasn't an outcast. I think I was kinda cool in a nerdy sort of way. Maybe not, though. I felt cool, so that made those four years of high school seem okay, y'know?

But, seriously, what happened to the late '90s and early '00s? It seems like one day I graduated from high school, went on a little trip with a couple of friends and then, poof!, I'm thirty-two with a husband, seven year old and a baby. Of course, lots happened in those intervening fourteen years. I went to college, transferred, transferred, transferred, dropped out, went to work, met RxMan, engaged, married, moved seven times, worked, pregnant, baby, etc. Obviously, I didn't blink and end up here but ever since I became a true adult, I cannot hold onto time.

This week, for instance. RxMan was on vacation from work. We were going to accomplish at least 50 things. Guess what we got done? Maybe 3. Maybe. Now he goes back to work in two days and I am going to be forced to focus wholly on my coursework. Ugh.

My friend Steph always says, "Don't wish it away" when it comes to things TC can/can't do. Her philosophy is they are only young once and focusing on when they will walk or talk or do stuff they can't do is bad because the things they can do last such a short time before they move onto more complicated, complex things. She's right. So, I am trying not to do that.

In fact, I dread the passage of time for my children. In a few short years, HH will be in puberty and all that stuff that makes a mother shudder. And, TC is probably my last child so I am trying to focus on enjoying him in ways I didn't HH. So, no, I am not wishing this time away. Not at all....

Lucky....

Her Highness and the neighborhood Princesses took swim lessons from a former friend/high school classmate of mine in August. It was surprisingly good to see her and meet her two sweet daughters. In the midst of our catching up, the question was asked if I worked. I replied that I did not. Her reply, which is typical of many working mothers, was "Oh, you're so lucky!"

Perhaps you agree. If you do, you are probably one of the women who never stayed home full-time with your child/children. I will first off state that I am blessed to have the opportunity to be with my children when they are sick and not have to worry about day care, etc. I will also say that I haven't missed any of their milestones and that, too, is a wonderful thing. I must also say that I wouldn't trade this time for anything.

BUT, it ain't all it's cracked up to be. And that is how I answered the swim teacher. I am always with them. Always. That means when they are fussy and sick, I am cleaning up vomit and rocking. For hours. Now that The Conqueror is with us and I am still in school (forever), he does have a sitter that he spends 8-10 hours a week with. Thank God for this woman. She is the only thing that has kept me from the psych ward at the local hospital some weeks.

RxMan is a great, hands-on daddy. But he works. A lot. And his shifts are long. Very long. He does not have a regular 9-5 job that most professionals do. So, when he is gone, it is for the entire day. When he is here, he is a ginormous help and I appreciate it. But he is gone quite often and on bad days, I am all alone.

The sitter, Will's "Nanny", is a godsend. She will watch him when he is fussy, sick or just didn't sleep well and to give me a break. As I said, God Bless her because she is a lovely person and we are so lucky to have her in our lives.

But, the staying home is hard. It is lonely. Some days, I die for adult conversation. Or conversation at all because, as you know, eight month olds don't have much to say. And my son isn't a good napper. His sister was but this boy. Oh. He will be the death of me. If he naps in the morning, it is unlikely that he will sleep long or well in the afternoon. And if he doesn't, by about 5PM, he is ready to pass out but, oh, Lord, I can't let him go to sleep at 5:00 because then he would want to get up at 3AM, instead of his usual 5:30AM.

I'm not complaining. Well, okay. I am. But, I chose this. I did. Sometimes, quite often, in fact, I wonder why. But I did. I wanted to be with my son as often as possible because they are only this little once. But, as I inch (and I mean inch) closer to completion of my long awaited degree, I dream of a little part-time job (y'know making 6 figures, of course) where I get to dress up and go to a place where there are other people and accomplish something in a day. Oh, it makes me positively shiver to imagine.

Some of you are shaking your head in disgust, I know. You are thinking, I would love to stay home from my job and be a full-time mom but, financially, I just can't afford it. What is she griping about? I understand these thoughts. Really, I do. And, again, I am very, very fortunate that this is a choice I am able to make.

I guess what I am saying is the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I am probably not well-suited as a stay at home mom; I am a pessimist. I am impatient. I hover on depression a lot. Days at home alone for 8 hours with a high-maintenance infant are monotonous and I miss interaction with others and intellectual stimulation.

But, then I look at the little face of my handsome son and beautiful daughter and think, oh, I am lucky to spend this time with them. So, as I prepare to graduate in the spring or summer, I wonder if I really will seek out that fabulous little job or will I go on to grad school so I can still be a mostly full-time mom? Any guesses?

Aren't I lucky to have the choice???

Happy 35th Birthday, RxMan!

Today my husband is thirty-five years old. Is that possible? It seems like just a few days ago, thirty-five was old. Pretty ancient, in fact. How did it happen that I am actually married to someone that I think is kinda old? I am thirty-two so it is not as if thirty-five is that far off but the part of me who still thinks of myself as a twenty-year old is having some trouble reconciling with this fact.

RxMan, for those who don't know, is adopted. Early this morning, and I mean early- it was still dark, I asked him what did he think his birth mother thought about today. He said he had never thought of that before. I, on the other hand, think of it all the time. With all of this tension and strife he has with his adopted parents, I wonder if his real mom would be a good substitute for the relationship with them. He, however, is hesitant because of what he may find. What if she is poor and sees him as a meal ticket? Or, worse, what if she is not interested in a relationship with him? So, we do not search for her; there is a release filed with the county in which he was born that he desires contact with birth family members and, if and when they look for him, his information will be shared.

On this day, I would like to recognize what this woman, who in 1972 was only a girl, gave to me and my children. RxMan is a wonderful man and a great father and husband. If she could only meet him and see the person he has become, she would probably feel such relief that she did, in fact, make the right choice all those years ago. Sure, life isn't perfect but, overall, it is good. She gave him the opportunity to grow into this man whom I love with all of my heart and my children, his children, adore. For that, I thank her.

Happy Birthday, RxMan....

He's Crawling!!

The Conqueror was eight months old yesterday and, today, he began to crawl. If I were more technologically inclined, I would post a video clip of the first time he did it. Unfortunately, I am not technologically inclined so... use your imagination.

Of course, we think he is a genius. A prodigy. A wunderkind. He crawled to his sister, who is his most favorite person in all the world.