Friday, February 29, 2008

Haiku- Achoo

The illness has hit
Sneezing, sniffling, coughing
But no vomiting! (:

Found some relief, though
Puffs with Vicks are heavenly
So glad we found them!

Leave a trace of Vicks
With each wipe; I love that smell
Helps with stuffiness

Husband says creepy
Like sleeping with his granny!
Too bad, so sad, dude!

More Haiku Friday participants here.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Thursday Thirteen #13: You Know You're No Longer Young When...

  1. The server calls you ma'am.
  2. The band is way too loud at a wedding.
  3. Two glasses of wine make you tipsy.
  4. You're only up at midnight to pee.
  5. You go to Wal-Mart or Target often. And for fun.
  6. You haven't watched SNL in real time since the '90s.
  7. Hot wings give you heartburn.
  8. You realize mac 'n cheese and Ramen noodles aren't on the food pyramid.
  9. You know all the words to the theme songs of Backyardigans and Little Einsteins.
  10. Yoga pants aren't just for yoga.
  11. Radio Disney is one of your saved stations on Sirius.
  12. The last concert you tried to get tickets to was Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana.
  13. You drive an SUV or *gasp* a minivan. By choice.

Go here for more Thursday Thirteens.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Apron Strings

You know what I hate?

I hate that even though I am nearly 33 years old and a wife and mother, my own mother can reduce me to a sniveling, pimply adolescent with one sentence.

"Feeling sorry for yourself today?"

Yeah, that'll do it.

Especially after I have been waiting for her in a restaurant for 20 minutes, at a time that she demanded, regardless of my own needs and wishes. My mom and I have a complicated relationship; but maybe everyone has a complicated one with their mothers.

Mine is complicated because I am not the favorite child. I was for a brief four years when I was the only child in our young, little family. Then, my brother was born. The first grandson on both sides of the family and the first boy in thirty years. Yeah, it was like Jesus was born all over again.

My brother was a cuddly, loving, mischievous child. I was a moody, distant bookworm. I always felt like a square peg in a round hole in my family; I just didn't fit.

Then, I grew up and moved away for a few years, which helped my relationship with my family tremendously. My mom and I are usually pretty close. We speak most days. We now live within fifteen minutes of each other.

Occasionally, the tension from the past rears its vicious head and it did yesterday. I am sick. I am tired. And, I am menstruating. Not a good mix.

My brother and his family live with my parents, which could be a whole 'nother series of posts about things I hate, and this is a source of conflict between my mom and I.

The thing that got me yesterday was that my mom had baked cupcakes and taken them to my niece's school for her birthday. She then took her out of school and spent the afternoon with her. Nice, right? It is. The problem is she doesn't do things like this for my daughter. She picks my other niece up from the sitter three days out of five.

Coincidentally, this is the same sitter that my son goes to twice a week for three hours. Do you see where this is going? Yeah, she leaves my son there, even though I am usually minutes behind her to pick him up; in fact, we often see each other there. Nice, huh?

Every so often, I just can't hear it anymore. I can't listen to the things my mom does for my nieces, whom I adore. I'm jealous, I am. My kids are wonderful but because they don't reside at their address, they are somehow less important. Less special. Less.

This pisses me off and I try to tell my mom. Usually, though, it comes out wrong and then she says things like, "Feeling sorry for yourself today, Toni?" And, then, I cry because I am still at heart that misfit of a child who wants her mom's affection and attention.

My mom isn't all bad. She is very fair with material items that she buys for all the grandchildren. She does love my children. She would come in a second if there was an emergency or a desperate need.

But I want her to not wait until there is a need. I want her to want to see my kids because they are mine. I think she should try even harder to see my children because of the time she spends with my nieces. She doesn't, though, and it hurts. But, we are at an impasse. She sees my hurt as jealousy and irrational. She doesn't recognize that my feelings are at least a little justified. She just sees me as a whiny, grouchy kid looking for a reason to feel sorry for myself.

And, yes, I know we need therapy. I begged for it as an adolescent. My parents, though, don't believe in that kind of money wasting stuff. So, I bottle up this anger and hurt and it bubbles up now and again to little avail. *sigh*

You bloggy friends are just the best; thanks for listening.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Cookie Time!

Tagalongs, Thin Mints
Lemon Chalet, All Abouts
So many to choose

Gooey Samoa
Peanut butter Do Si Do
Simple Trefoil

Crunchy Choc'late Chip
So good, yet so bad for you
Did you order yours?

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Short. Simple. Obvious.

It sucks having a sick kid.

I know that you all know this. I do. But doesn't it feel like when YOUR kid is sick, it is the first and only time another person has gone through the horrors of illness? I'll be honest, I have dramatic tendencies and the boy isn't terribly sick but sick enough that he kept me up all night holding him in the cursed chair. He is stuffy and couldn't breath on his back. *sigh* Okay, enough whining.

Go read some pleasant blogs now.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Quirky Ol' Me

The super fabulous Marie tagged me for a meme where I must list 6 quirky things about myself. Only six?

  1. I lay out my children's pajamas first thing in the morning, usually as soon as they are out of bed. Sometimes, I will lay out pjs and clothes for two or three days in a row even if we aren't dressed for the present day.
  2. I have to shower before I go to bed. Have to. I have been known to wake up in the middle of the night and shower if I didn't do it before going to bed.
  3. I don't like my food to touch- ever. People who will put new food on a dirty plate, particularly a dessert, gross me out.
  4. My socks must be pulled up and the seam facing the sky or I can't be comfortable in them. I don't like slouchy socks. Drives me insane.
  5. I spell compulsively when I drink too much. It seems to stem from a spelling bee I was duped out of winning in the fifth grade.
  6. I have a knack for remembering dates: birth dates, historical dates, important family dates, old doctor's appt. dates, random dates that stick with me. For instance, I got my period for the first time on May 13, 1986 and I remember the birthdates and phone numbers of every friend I've had from grade school through now. Since having children, I can't remember current appointments but for things that happened in the past, I'm your girl.
So now that you know I'm a total weirdo, join in! I think almost everyone has already done this meme but if you haven't and want to, consider yourself tagged!

Rules: Post 6 quirky things about yourself. Tag 6 people, leaving a comment on their blog so they know and posting a comment here, so that I know I can come and see how quirky you are.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Just. Wrong.

Her Highness: Daddy, why's your hair so sparkly?
RxMan: Well, 'cause I'm getting old.
Her Highness: I don't want you to DIE!

Besides the fact this was a mad funny conversation, why is it my husband will become distinguished as his black hair turns silver? If he chooses go the full monty and shave his head, it is now sexy and cool. My hair will become dull, gray, limp and thin. Of course, I have vowed to spend $100 every six weeks so this NEVER happens but, still....

I'm just sayin'...

Friday, February 15, 2008

Haiku Friday

In-laws strike again
Sent box of junk to my kids
For Valentine's Day

Bath mitts, candy hearts
Twenty-four dollars to ship
Stuff worth six dollars

Sent it Express Mail
Signature required, yes
More money than sense

I will not listen
To whining of being poor
Following this stunt

Not that we see them
The boy was only two weeks
At the last visit

"Far away Grandma
and Grandpa" they sign the cards
Far away, my ass

They live one hundred
miles from us, not Egypt
Cry me a river

Sorry for the biting tone of this post. I had been lulled into a sense of calm in January when the MIL was radio silent and only sent stupid letters in the mail detailing the weather. I knew something was coming, what with Valentine's Day and all. I just wasn't expecting another box o' crap shipped Express Mail. They do that to inconvenience us because we usually have to go the post office to pick up signature required items. Asshats.

To read other haiku Friday posts, go here.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Thursday Thirteen #12: Love In a Muffin Cup

  1. 2 boxes Devil's Food Cake Mix
  2. 1 pack Oreos
  3. 1 cup oil
  4. 2 2/2 cups water
  5. 6 eggs
  6. 1 oven, 360 degrees
  7. 50 heart muffin cups
  8. 1 mixing bowl
  9. 2 containers pre-made vanilla frosting
  10. red food coloring
  11. 1- mom, who has time to spend
  12. 1- 8 year old who just wants to help
  13. Love

On Wednesday, Her Highness and I made cupcakes together. She got all of my time and attention, something that happens very infrequently since the birth of The Conqueror 13 1/2 months ago. Usually, she gets tired, frazzled, cranky mommy who is at her wit's end and needs a glass of wine. Not Wednesday. I let her help. And lick the bowl.

Now that is love.

And it is priceless.

Happy Valentine's Day, my friends.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


So, I went to Wal-Mart today with RxMan in order to get groceries and supplies to make cupcakes for Her Highness's classroom party on Thursday. We got our stuff with little trouble except there were about 3 million others in there preparing for the snow (which my husband calls the White Death because people here freak out about it) that is approaching.

As we were leaving, $134 poorer, I might add, I looked into the photo studio and was surprised to see a flag much like this one hanging as a backdrop (I tried to take a photo with my phone but it was removed too quickly):

Now, I have problems with this flag on a number of levels. Of course, I am against all that the Confederacy stood for; that is a given. I think displays such as this are as ignorant and distasteful as swastikas. Furthermore, the idea of the south actually being restored to its former "glory" is especially unlikely with Obama chomping up the delegates as he is. Yeah.

That being said, I have another problem with this.

I live in Ohio.

The only places we are southern of are Cleveland and Canada. Seriously. I live on the edge of Appalachia, it's true, but I didn't realize that our school systems were so badly educating our citizens. We may say "pop" instead of soda but many of us do no sum geografy.

I think that in my area, particularly, this flag is seen as a symbol of being a rebel. Or a redneck. (Yes, this is sort of cool amongst a segment of the population around these parts.) I see it as just another sign of stupidity. And where best to display this in a family portrait taken by the fine folks at Wal-Mart. Oh, had I not mentioned it was a family shoot? Yep. Mom, Dad, and two fine looking androgynous children, sporting mullets and camo. Daggum.

After I ran to the restroom to avoid peeing my pants from laughing so hard, we went on to the car. As we were unloading our rather skimpy loot (that cost $134!), a tiny, fragile elderly man approached a car two spots down from ours. I wouldn't have noticed him except that he began shouting- and I do mean SHOUTING- the f-bomb about his g-d car.

This slight little wisp of a man had the mouth of Howard Stern and was beating the living h-e-double hockey sticks out of his effin' car, which apparently his effin' wife had locked the effin' doors for the 11th effin' time this g-d day. I busted up laughing- again. He heard me and knew it was about him, which only effin' enraged him more.

Then, as he was zooming out of the effin' parking lot, he honked the effin' horn and gave me the finger.

You just never know what you're gonna see at Wal-Mart.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Free Caffeine!

This is a repost from the early days of my blog (i.e. when no. one. read. And I mean NO. ONE.). It is Monday and my husband worked all weekend and this momma is "wored" out, as my daughter says.

Let me set up the scenario which I am about to relate: In our home, we have a one pop a day rule for our seven year old daughter, Her Highness. In addition to only one a day, it must not contain caffeine except in the rarest of occasions, which is not a problem because we typically don't have caffeinated beverages in the fridge.

Her Highness: Mommy, I am going to have so much energy because this pop (a Caffeine-Free Coca-Cola Classic) has caffeine.
Me: Oh, Her Highness, no, it doesn't.
HH: Yes, it does. (exasperated) See, it says 'free caffeine'!
Me: (stifling laughter) You're right, Her Highness. It does.

Isn't that too cute? I love the way that at this age, Her Highness is so literal; everything is black and white still. Bad people are bad and good people are good. I am still almost the smartest gal in the world and my word is rarely questioned because I am the mommy and I wouldn't steer her wrong. Her daddy still hung the moon and she wants to marry her baby brother when she grows up. Santa and the Easter Bunny still exist and the Tooth Fairy, too. Oh, what an age! She is on the verge of figuring out that things are often more gray than black or white; that mommy is just a person and Santa is her parents. For now, I revel in the fact that some caffeine is free and that my precious daughter is still wonderfully innocent to the truths of this often harsh world.

It is pretty cool to be the smartest person in the world, too...

Friday, February 8, 2008

Haiku Friday: Hot Wheels

Hot Wheels all around
Under couch, tables and feet
A genderless toy

They were hers at first
Something they do together
Love and fun on wheels

For more Haiku fun, go here.

(Yes, I know he is too little to play with them alone- small parts and all. He is closely supervised, I assure you.)

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Thursday Thirteen #11: I Love...

  • Caller ID When your relationship with your in-laws is as acrimonious as mine, caller id is a lifesaver.
  • DVR Can you say commercial-free Lost? Holla!
  • Netflix No late fees? My family cannot go into most of the video stores in our town because of late fees....
  • LCD TV (Please don't tell my husband as I pitched a terrible fit at the cost of it!) Have you seen Sunrise Earth? Bea-u-tiful!
  • Roomba It works! It really does. It goes underneath furniture and can be programmed to vacuum on a set schedule. If only it picked up the toys before vacuuming....
  • Disposable Diapers I know it isn't very green of me but I cannot fathom rinsing out crap-filled diapers in the toilet or an icky diaper pail. I will have to save the world another way....
  • Babysitters I finally have a daytime and a nighttime sitter! While I do not take advantage, all moms need some time off, don't we?
  • Starbucks I gladly pay $4 for a coffee that doubles as a dessert. I'm a spoiled brat.
  • Crocs Yes, I know they're pretty ugly but they feel sooooo good and I only wear them in the yard. And to Wal-Mart. And to softball games.
  • Dishwasher So, I am not a cook nor a very enthusiastic cleaner so this is a godsend. I cannot imagine not having one.
  • Purell I'm a bit of a germaphob; admit it, though, it's in your diaper bag and purse, too.
  • Blogs Yes, I am an addict. I put off dinner, homework, baths and chores all in an effort to keep up with your lives.
  • Blogging So, I thought blogging would be easy when I signed up. I am a funny person in real life so it'd be a snap. Yeah. Not so much. Despite the fact that I am a mediocre blogger at best, I'm hooked. I love the comments! I love the community! I love the awards!
To read other TT, go here.

Pickin' and Grinnin'

To get Wordless, go here.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008


The amazing DixieChick chose me (ME!) to receive this award. She and I are new blog friends and share a love of Starbucks, wine and Lost. (I won a little contest over at Dixie's place, too. If you're not visiting this former southern belle, you are missing out!) I think Miss Dixie is most Excellent for keeping us abreast of all things Lost and American Idol but especially 'cause she said my kiddies are cute!

I have to spread some of this bloggy love around and so I send this special award, which I polished and wiped with my pajama pants, on to some other Excellent bloggy friends.

To MamaGeek, whose wit, photography and love of Dwight Schrute make me have a teeny weeny girl crush on her.

To Anglophile Football Fanatic, my fellow bad cook and in-law hater, who is mad funny and is really married to a Rocket Scientist. Really!

To Marie, a fellow Buckeye who is expecting, and LifeAsIKnowIt, a mom struggling with naps and hating dinner, whose blogs I recently found and am totally digging for their humor and honesty.

All of you are excellent. I hope you enjoy receiving this award as much as I did!

Monday, February 4, 2008

What A Tangled Web

My daughter and my niece take ballet and hip hop classes together so my sister-in-law and my husband take turns shuttling them back and forth. (I don't do it because I take care of The Conqueror whose bedtime falls smack in the midst of class time.) On Thursday evening, it was my SILs turn to do the chauffeuring. They arrived home much later than I expected them to so when Her Highness came inside, I asked if class ran over.

"No," she replied. "We went to eat." That isn't entirely unusual that the girls demand a snack so I thought little of it until she said that they'd eaten in.

"Well, where did you go?"

She replied that they'd eaten at a wing joint. Honestly, I was irritated that my SIL took my 8 year old into this particular establishment at 8:00 on a Thursday night because it is more of a bar than a restaurant in the evenings. I was peeved but my SIL and brother have very different views on parenting than I do so I tried to play it cool. That is until Her Highness said the following.

"Aunt Soandso said not to tell you she took me in there."


"Yeah, she said to tell you that it took a long time to get home."

Well, I was furious at this point. She told my kid to lie to me! Are you freaking kidding me!?
So, being me, I got on the phone and called and left a scathing message for her to find when she arrived home.

I sent HH to the shower and tried to calm myself. Soon, the phone rang.

It was SIL and she was furious that I had called and insinuated that she had told HH to lie. Of course, I believed my kid. She doesn't lie.

SIL was adamant and after five minutes of listening to her, I realized that she must be telling the truth. She said, "I knew she was going to tell you we were there. She tells you everything. We were only in there a few minutes picking up food. I knew you wouldn't like it but we didn't stay long."

I was forced to realize that my daughter had lied to me.

As soon as I confronted her, she began sobbing. Readily, she admitted that she had lied. She had no reason why she lied other than she thought she was going to be in trouble for going to this place. I explained that she wouldn't be in trouble; she is a child and was with a grown up and had no choice but to go there. I resisted the urge to rip her apart and told her that I loved her no matter what but that she couldn't lie to me anymore and that her lie had caused me to argue with Aunt Soandso. She bawled and apologized, vowing never to do it again.

And then I made her call my SIL. I didn't want to; she was so sad and upset and I felt like my disappointment and disapproval were really hurting her (she's a pleaser, God help me). It was really hard to push it that extra step but I felt I had to to prove the point and drive home the message that lying was not tolerated.

She called and cried and apologized. Then I hugged her and put her to bed, promising not to tell Daddy (I did tell him) and that it was over.

This was a situation I had yet to deal with; I think I did the right thing but it was really hard.

Seems this motherhood gig only gets harder as they get older.

And I thought the sleeping issues with the little one were hard. Yeah, right.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Haiku Friday: Close Call

Wednesday, husband home
Boy is napping, girl at school
"Adult time"- wink, wink

My father arrives
Lets self in and shouts "hello!"
Bedroom door open

We were busy, 'kay?
Didn't hear him calling, nope
Thankfully he left.

Almost caught in act
Been married a decade but
Dads shouldn't see THAT!

So glad he didn't
Come looking for me. Oh God!
Will lock door next time...

Well, I think you get the gist of what almost happened but I wanted to add that our home is ranch style and the master suite is closest to the main living areas. This was a very close call and I think Dad knows something was up because Mom called to see what we were doing. Laundry, I said, of course!

For more haiku, visit here and here!