Friday, August 3, 2007

Burning Question

So, The Conqueror is seven months old today! Somedays it feels as though he has always been in our lives. Other days, I am still forgetting to sign his name on greeting cards. As he slowly approaches that one year mark, the burning question is often posed: "So, Toni, are you having more?" I vehemently answer, "NO! This child is killing me!"

But how do you really know if you are done having children? My friend, Allie, once told me that when she could hold a baby and not wish it were hers was a sign. My friend Steph says that she would still love to have a baby and that The Conqueror makes her feel squishy inside but she wants independence from her own two girls more than a baby (I should mention, too, that Steph and her husband are still on the fence about a third- well, the hubby is). My other friend Andrea and my SIL (who went the medical route to guarantee they were done) dealt with it in numbers: "Well, I've got two healthy ones of my own, how many more could one person want?"

Can I 100% percent say I am definitely done having children? No. But, I can say with 85% certainty that I am done. I, unlike some, detest being pregnant. I am not cute. I do not glow. I sweat. And puke. And swell. And have to do crappy tests like pee in a bucket for 24 hours (I know, ew, gross!). I can never get enough rest. And I am scared of my OB; it is like going to the principal's office- you know, in elementary school when he still seems like a prison warden.

Would I love to have another child? Yes. I would love to have another daughter (whom I would name Grace, without question). As much as I love The Conqueror, I think there is something magical about girls. Maybe it is the bows, ribbons, mary janes and dresses. Maybe it is the fact that, in my family, the most sought after organ is the penis and the birth of my brother was hailed as if The Messiah had been born once more.

The problem with having another child is that I don't desire to be pregnant, have surgery and go through the first 6-8 weeks of breastfeeding again. Oh, I know that formula is okay but because RxMan and I have crappy genes, bfing is the only way for our kids to have a fighting shot at a not quite miserable childhood. (I am definitely not a breastfeeding nazi. To each her own.)

So, until RxMan and I get $30K, which is the approximate cost of adopting a child from China, that we don't need for anything else, we are a two child family. I am completely okay with that. I was absolutely fine with Her Highness being an only child if God chose not to bless us with TC.

So, to answer your question, no, we are not having any more children. Probably....I think.....More likely than not....

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