How Young Is Too Young?

There is a situation in my neighborhood that is causing me some alarm- not a great amount of alarm but enough that I find it somewhat troubling so I am turning to the smartest ladies I know to see if I am being a little too....well, too Toni.

My neighbors have three children: an 8 year old (Rachel), a 4 year old (Caleb) and a 20 month old (Sadie). Rachel and Claire are good buddies. Rachel lives with her dad and stepmom and Caleb and Sadie are their children. Capisce?

Well, the dad, who I'll call Steve, is a nut about his yard. I mean, a crazy man. He mows several times a week and doesn't like for the kids to play in any area that is not outfitted with play equipment because it smushes the grass. (Honestly. This is not a lie.)

Steve's wife, Amy, a hair stylist, works every other Saturday, thus leaving the kids alone with Steve. This is where Steve's lawn obsession becomes my problem. Steve mows while leaving the 8 year old in charge of the 4 year old and, worse, toddler Sadie. Now, as a SAHM, I get that sometimes things need to be done and when you have an older, more responsible child, they can really fill a void. There are many, many occasions where Claire has to step up and help with Liam. I get that.

She distracts him while I pee. She takes him to the basement while I make dinner (remember I am not a cook so this is usually a microwave warm up of leftovers) but never is she in charge of him for any more than a short while. I just don't see this as her job or responsibility and she is only 8!

A few weeks ago, Steve mowed (twice, as is protocol and takes about 2 1/2 hours) and then cleaned gutters, power washed the house and sprayed weed killer on every weed lining the street in our neighborhood (again, not a lie.) and this took a total of about 6 hours. I know this because we were outside the majority of that time.

While Steve was doing all this, Rachel watched, changed, fed and entertained Sadie. Claire and a couple other neighborhood girls played for a while but, once I realized Rachel was the one in charge, I insisted Claire return home. Rachel eventually had to take Sadie inside the house as it was really hot and the baby was cranky; a neighborhood girl accompanied her. I felt uneasy about this girl going inside alone with Sadie and Rachel because I am good friends with her mom and it made me uncomfortable to think of two 8 year olds watching a young toddler. I chose to butt out.

Well, of course, Sadie got into markers and marked all over herself and a wall. When Steve learned of this, he freaked. He screamed (according to the other girl in the house) at both 8 year olds and grounded Rachel from the computer (where she and her friend were playing and NOT watching the tot) for life! and made her clean the mess.

So, now I don't know how to handle this. I don't want to cause trouble but I am uncomfortable with letting Claire play at their home when the mom is out. I feel that Rachel has way too much responsibility at too young an age. Am I completely overreacting by making the rule that Claire may not, under any circumstance, be alone inside with Rachel and Sadie?

Is this just me being irrational and over the top, or not? At what age is it appropriate for an older sibling to watch a little one? I babysat at 11 but I was a strangely mature 11. What do you think?

I Have a Confession To Make...

I'm a bit of a nosy Rosie. Okay, more than a bit. In a lot of ways, I really don't care what other people do but I am a bit overpreoccupied with the people who live across from my family.

Part of that stems from the fact that the wife/mom of the family and I are friends. For a while we were really great friends but we both had babies within seven weeks of each other and they got in the way of our closeness. Also, her husband is an ass.

When we moved into this neighborhood two years ago, RxMan, Her Highness and I made fast friends with this family. They had a daughter (well, it is his daughter but she lives with them full-time) in HH's grade and we all just hit it off. We took turns taking the girls to school and picking them up, we shopped together and visited often. They watched HH for me one night a week while I was in school and I kept the daughter one evening while they worked. Often, I would babysit the 1 year old boy. We went to hockey games together. Honestly, we were good friends.

But, not long before the babies were born, the dad in this family, who shows a lot of OCD traits, started not speaking to me if I was there when he arrived home from work. Now, this guy is obsessive in many ways: he showers 3 times a day, using a bar of soap a week (per the wife) and he mows 3-4 times a week from March until December. He also scrubs the garage floor and cleans the gutters, inside and out, with a rag and bucket. (Quite honestly, the outside of their home is much cleaner than the inside of mine.) And, he calls himself a "family man" but spends more time outside or inside scouring than he ever does with his three children.

But I digress--

So this guy started acting irritated by my occassional presence when he returned home from work; I just made an effort not to be around when he was home. Then other little things came to my attention, like, the mom was always complaining that the little girl was hard to get up in the morning for school and cried a lot but they would stay out until 11:00 on school nights. Okay, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. And, the little girl told HH that "her dad said she was going to play soccer and be a better player than HH." Okay. WTF?? I have tried really hard not to make HH a competetive child. I have instilled in her that everyone is different and is good at different things and this really pissed me off. Y'know, it's my kid. She is a lovely, nice girl and it really got under my skin.

And, I thought these were my friends....

So, I have kept my distance from this family a little more than before. Frankly, I am annoyed by the fact that I can hear their nine month old baby crying all day and they are frantically outside scrubbing car carpet and sidewalks and mailboxes. The Conqueror is a little too loved, I know. I probably shoulda let him cry it out way more than I have (never!). My house is a lot messier than theirs.

We are still friendly, the mom and I. I still really like her. I like her kids. But, the closeness is gone. So, for now, RxMan and I peek out from behind our curtains and make bets with the other neighbors on how many times this family will clean the garage, gutters, driveway this week.