To Sleep, Perchance To Dream-

Ay, there's the rub.

But not for the same reason as Hamlet.

Apparently when my little Princess of Denmark closes her eyes and falls asleep, the dreams are pretty freakin' scary. So, guess what that means?

It means that she isn't sleeping.

Which means that I am not sleeping.

Which means I am not a happy camper/mommy.

RxMan and I have taught Claire that it is acceptable to wake us if she has a bad dream and we will let her sleep in our room (in a chair or on the floor) for a little while. I decided to do this because I didn't have those parents who comforted you back to sleep after a nightmare. Or the ones who held your hair while you barfed your brains out. Nope, I was raised to take care of my own bidness and not bother the parents unless I was completely broken or required stitches.

So, we have allowed, even encouraged, Claire to come to us when she is frightened or awakened by a thunder storm. Until the last several days, it has been sporadic and really not a problem.

Last night, though, she woke us 6 times before midnight! Six. Times. Before. Midnight.

Yeah.

That totally sucked.

She is having nightmares and overall trouble getting to- and staying- asleep; 3 of the 6 times she woke us were to simply tell us that she couldn't get back to sleep....Again, we have encouraged this in the past but this is day 5 of having been awakened several (5+) times each night for some reason or other by the 8 year old.

So, at 11:45PM, I snapped at her. I barked and ordered her back to bed. I demanded that she stay in her room unless she was hit by a car! (I don't like to be awakened, people, bear with me!) Then, I gave her a Benadryl chewable and bid her a firm and not very nice good-night.

It was not one of my finer parenting moments- being mean to my kid and drugging her, too.

We have spoken about it and I apologized for being cranky and kissed and hugged her. I feel bad but, honestly, at what point can she start recognizing that I cannot magically fix the problem that she cannot sleep? I am fine with soothing her when she is scared and will sit with her or allow her in our room but this other stuff? Is driving me batty...

So, tell me, am I being too harsh? Should I suck it up and let her continue to wake us a dozen times a night or is it time to lay down the law? I am tired- bone-tired- and frazzled so I need someone with a little distance on the situation to advise me....

Mrs. Whiny Pants

My son has stopped sleeping at night.

I mean, he sleeps but he wants to sleep on me. And nurse on demand.

He's big (23.2 lbs., 30 inches) and makes me ache from holding him in a chair. All. Night. Long.

His pediatrician wanted me to wean a month or so ago but I didn't. Now, kinda wishing that I had 'cause this nursing every hour or two stuff is KILLING me. The nurse told me last week at the well visit that he wouldn't sleep through the night until he was weaned.

So, few readers, I need advice. Got any? Should I wean? I'm not opposed to it just dreading the actual doing it 'cause this boy? Yeah, he loves nursing. How did you get your child(ren) to sleep through the night? Or, is it a lost cause and will eventually happen when he is 6 or so?

Haiku Friday

Oh, reclining chair
How I loathe sleeping in you
I miss husband, bed

The boy was ill, yes
He wanted me to hold him
His crib? Not anymore

Asthma, doctor said
Coughing, wheezing, my heart broke
Back to the old chair

It is Haiku Friday, want to join in?

Asthma? Not again!

My daughter has asthma. She was diagnosed at 15 months, although I am certain she was born with it. Her asthma was out of control for about 5 years because she also had a severe case of acid reflux that exacerbated her disease. Once the reflux was medicated accurately, she showed great improvement. In fact, last week at a check on her lung function with the pediatrician, he told us he was confident that she was essentially outgrowing her condition; her tests actually indicated that her lungs function about 40% better than the average girl her age and size. This was long-awaited good news.

Because of his sister's long, sordid, complicated medical history (which is at least 2 posts) with asthma, I am constantly watching The Conqueror for signs of the illness. I was suspicious in the spring that he was beginning to present with symptoms. The doctor, ever hopeful, held off on a diagnosis and commended me for breastfeeding because of the benefits associated with allergies, asthma and health in general. Now, though, the boy is sick again. He is using his sister's nebulizer and I am pretty certain that he has asthma, too.

Now, I have to admit that I am a pessimist and a wee bit of a hypochondriac. I worry needlessly about many, many things. This, though, is one of my biggest fears and one of the main reasons we put off having a second child for so long. Her Highness was sick. All. The. Time. She coughed until she vomited dozens of times some nights. She took steroids that caused her face to swell into the moon face associated with steroid use. She had CT scans, xrays, IVs and took more meds than many elderly people do. I was hopeful that breastfeeding was going to be the magic bullet for my son. Sadly, I fear that it may not have been.

I know that because we have experienced all of these things in the past, we will better deal with them and may be able to get to the root of the problem (if there really is one) much quicker than we did with Her Highness. I still have a heavy heart today after spending yet another night holding yet another coughing, wheezing child.

Oh, Mr. Sandman... Where Are You???

Her Highness and I have been a little under the weather over the weekend; she more so than I. I just have a sinusy thing and the aches. HH is coughing, sneezing, hoarse, etc. Of course, she finished her strep throat anitbiotic the day this bout of symptoms appeared. Isn't that always how it works?

I have been dreading The Conqueror getting sick. Of course, I don't want either of my children to feel bad but, as he is still an infant, it affects me more than when HH gets ill. Well, it has happened and the first thing that goes in our house is the sleeping. I'm not 100% sure if he is sick or teething or a combination of the two. Either way, the kid is a crank and unhappy in a bad way.

He was up every two hours last night. That is so difficult on a person to get up and down and up and down with a whiny, stuffy baby. It was like having a newborn again and I have pretty much sworn that off for, oh, FOREVER! I feel bad for the poor little dude 'cause he can't say, oh, well, my throat hurts or my head hurts but I'm feeling pretty sorry for me today, too. I am tired. Tired. Exhausted. Worn out. I feel like I partied all night long minus the upset stomach and embarrassment.

So, if you happen to run into the sandman, send him our way and right quick 'cause we are t-i-r-e-d over here!

Yummm...Crow!

As a mother of only one child, I got a bit of a big head about myself and my parenting skills. After some initial troubles with Her Highness's formula, I was able to schedule her easily. At six months she began showing obvious signs of asthma and allergies and that led to RxMan sleeping with her in a chair for the better part of the next year and a half but, after that, my girl was a sleeper. She slept well at night and napped often and lengthily. Her naps were so scheduled that they ruled my/our life. If errands were to be done, they must be done in the 2 1/2 - 3 hour window between morning and afternoon naps. Holidays and birthday parties were a nightmare because my family always has them smack in the middle of the day. But, she was scheduled.

I remember bragging (first mistake) that I could schedule any child. I am a creature of habit and thrive on a routine. I felt that any child would be schedule-able. I gave my sister-in-law and neighbors haughty advice (second mistake) on how to improve their children and their sleeping habits. See, I felt that my success with HH and my own personal routine would mesh well with all babies.

Then I had The Conqueror.

And God. Laughed. Really. Really. Hard.

Didn't I know that pride is one of the seven deadly sins? Was I asking to be proven wrong? What the hell was I thinking blowing off my big trap to these other people based on the experience of having one child who has a very easygoing attitude/personality and spent the better part of her first 6 years drugged and sick?!?!

I love TC. I do. He is a blessing. But, this kid is hard. Really, really hard. He will sleep well at night. Takes a great morning nap. And then naps early in the afternoon for, like, 30 minutes. Then he is awake and cranking until bedtime.

So, I have tried everything that my self-proclaimed baby expert self can conjure up but to no avail. Occasionally, he naps well both times. Those are just little tricks that he pulls to mess with my head so I spend the next 3 days figuring out why he did so well on that day. Yes, this child is a whole different beast than HH.

Now, I must eat crow. And, let me tell ya: it isn't very tasty.

Do you ever wonder what if...?

On Monday evening, my mother gave me a copy of an advertisement that my high school boyfriend (now a Chiropractor) had mailed out. It was a full-sized sheet of paper, front and back, detailing some crazy new back crackin' machine that he has at his office. Included in this were glowing recommendations from patients who can now walk pain free, etc. (Okay, is this machine Jesus or something?) There was also a picture of former boyfriend working said machine. Okay, here's the thing.

HE'S BALDING.

Am I really old enough to have a former flame who is balding? Surely not. The picture was very poor quality and grainy but it was obvious that Dr. Boyfriend islosinghishair and rightquick. So, I chuckled and pointed with my mother; saved the ad for my friend who lives in Toledo to see and thought nothing else of it.

Until I went to sleep. Isn't it strange how your mind works? I was sleeping along, minding my own business when WHAM! Dr. Boyfriend shows up in my freakin' dream. Now, I don't know about you but I dream in living, vibrant color. RxMan's new Sony LCD has nothing on the real-life, 3-D quality of my dreams.

Get your head out of the gutter, though. There was nothing beyond G ratings in my dream; we were back in high school in class and a myriad of other old faces show up. It was a nice little reunion- now I don't have to go to my 15th (gasp!) next summer. So, very soon, The Conqueror wails out and my sleep is interrupted. However, a seed was planted.

A few times yesterday, I found myself remembering my dream and the inevitable question arose: What if? What if he and I were married now? My gut reaction? (After the vomiting.) It would have been a disaster; see, Dr. and I were not nice to each other. In high school, I liked him but was embarrassed by his dorkiness. And the fact he thought he was Batman. No, really. He did. Think. He. Was. Batman. (do you get why it didn't work out?) So, I ignored him. And taunted him. And did kinda mean things to him. Like make fun of him for saying he loved me. As I said, not very nice.

Then I broke up with him and (you know how this goes), suddenly, I wished I hadn't. Thus began an infatuation that lasted the better part of the next 2 or 3 years. We went off to college and remained friends. We visited each other occasionally and all was innocent until the kegs were tapped. He led me on and I fell for it. Over and over. And over. Again. He told me on several occasions that he was crappy to me because of my treatment of him back in high school. Still, I hoped.

Finally, I got tired of giving him advice about other girls and got on with life. Always, though, there was that smallest little inkling of hope and affection. Maybe someday, right???

Well, as you know, life took a different turn for me. I met RxMan and, as is said, the rest is history. So, what if.... I am perfectly content with my life as it is. I have a great husband in the RxMan and two rotten, wonderful kiddos, too.

As Garth Brooks sang, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers...."

I'm Back...

So sorry I have been gone from the blogging world. My grandmother from NC is in town for the first time in 7 years and that has been taking up a great deal of time. It is very good to see her; we are all trying to convince her to become a Buckeye again and she seems more than willing but I have an aunt with bipolar disorder who is keeping her in the south for now. Keeping my fingers crossed....

UPDATE:

The Conqueror has been sleeping much better. (Not sure if I should be acknowledging this; am I jinxing it?) Was it teething? I don't know but I am now putting him in his own room for all naps and that is going very well. Plus, we had another night with no awakenings two nights ago. Is there truly light at the end of the tunnel? Dare I hope?

Also, The Conqueror was six months old on July 3. Is it possible? Some days it seems as if he has been with us for ever and other days I will forget about him for just a sec. Regardless he is here and is a wonderfully frustrating addition to the family.

A Sad Day

So, I've been having a week. The Conqueror has been unusually fussy and difficult during the day but, for the most part, is sleeping much better at night. This is difficult for me because I want him to sleep well day and night. Am I expecting too much from a not quite six month old?? Last Sunday night, for the very first time ever, he slept 10 hours. Ten hours. Diez horas. It was so great...not that I slept that long. Oh, no. I was up from 2ish - 5ish worrying if he was dead or not. I know that is weird and morbid but, hey, that is me. I am a worrier. If there is nothing truly wrong in my little world, than I worry about other people's stuff.

Last Sunday, I worried if my precious boy was still breathing. Turns out that he was - thank God; however, the good nighttimes are not necessarily translating into good daytimes. As I mentioned before, I believe he is truly teething so that is a factor, too. But his napping is down from around five hours a day to two. By the time RxMan comes home at 9PM, I am wiped out. I want to kill him because he gets to leave and I just want to go to sleep but feel obligated to stay up until he comes home because Dr. Phil thinks it is best for our marriage.

Anyway....

So, I was already having a bad week when the story about Jessie Davis broke. I suspected that it was the creep of a boyfriend (who is already married) but had hoped she just ran off and, oh, I don't know, joined the circus. I was, sadly, right. This is what kept me awake last night: another pregnant woman murdered, along with her full-term, unborn child. So, so sad. I found out in my Gender Communications class last quarter that pregnant women are 8 times more likely to be the victims of violence than nonpregnant women. Stress is cited as the cause: financial, emotional, etc. What happened to the days when men just up and left and were never heard from again? The fact that this child and its mother are dead is haunting me. Not to mention the fact that there is another 2 year old whose mother is dead and father is on his way to prison for murdering her in front of him. (shudder)

No lighthearted posting here today. I am horribly saddened by these turn of events, as well as learning of the suicide of a local mother of three. Again, not really someone I had a personal, close relationship with but she was a patient of a dentist I worked for some 8 years ago. I am down about all of this senseless loss of life. I wonder what is really so bad that it warrants taking your own life?

So, today, despite all of my personal blessings, my heart is heavier than usual.