Monday, December 31, 2007

Weary

I'm tired. Tired of the holidays. Tired of the mess from Christmas. Tired of being a mom. We've all felt this way, I know. This weariness is the curse of being a mother. I love my children but, please, I wish they would go AWAY for a little while.

My son has been exceedingly whiny over the last few days; yesterday I literally dragged him along from room to room as he fussed and whined while holding onto my shirt or leg. He is not ill and has no obvious excuse for his crankiness, he just is needy. Nothing could soothe him; nothing, that is, except 115% of my attention and time. I just don't have it in me to give him that. I just didn't want to. If that makes me a crappy parent, label me. I just don't care.

My daughter is out of school for Christmas break and that is a blessing and a curse in itself. When she is engaged, she is a gigantic help with the baby. He adores her and she him. But when she is done, that's it. Coupled with new distractions like a Nintendo DS, a new Webkinz and neighborhood friends she is nonexistent much of the time. Oh, unless she needs fed, clothed or has a catastrophe that requires all of me at a moment's notice.

I just would like to sleep until I'm ready to get up; not when they are. I want to eat food that I like not stuff that they will. I want to watch Saving Grace in the middle of the day despite the fact that Holly Hunter's character swears like a longshoreman. I want to nap and take long baths, not showers at the speed of light.

I'm feeling selfish and a little raw. I feel like saying "screw all of you" and taking a long drive to nowhere. Not forever just for a while. Just until I want to.

But I won't.

And even if I did, I would feel really bad and even miss the little life-sucking monsters. 'Cause they're cute. And they're mine.

5 comments:

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Toni, been there, wanted to do that. You are not bad for it. Being cooped up with kids all the freaking time is a drain on your sanity.

Kellan said...

I know you probably think I'm all "Miss Happy" and everything always has an "Upside" - but I know what you are TALKING ABOUT!!!! I have had these same moments more times than I care to remember over the past 15 years. It is so hard sometimes and so NOT fun sometimes and you are not alone!!! Just breathe and go forward - that's what we do - and hope that tomorrow it will be better and chances are - it will be!

Happy New Year to you and your family. I will see you soon. Kellan

Robin said...

Your post summed up how probably all moms (if they were being honest) feel a week after Christmas. Go ahead and get a book or a movie. And plan on watching the first nap the little one takes when the older one goes back to school on Wednesday.

Nap Warden said...

Right there with you Toni...I think all Moms hit that wall. Have a restful New Year's, or at least try:)

Bradley's Mom said...

Hi Toni:

These feelings that you expressed are 100% normal! EVERY single parent feels this way sometimes.

It will pass, come back, and pass again. It's part of the program.

Try to keep your sense of humor, that is key! Things will always get better.

Love for the holidays!
Linda