11 Months

I never imagined that today, the day I mark my son's 11th month on earth, I would be told to stop breastfeeding. When I awoke this morning and showered and went about all of the things which are normal for me, I didn't even consider the fact that his pediatrician would recommend I wean him.

In a lot of ways, the idea of weaning The Conqueror is a relief. I have been his sole source of comfort for the majority of these last eleven months and that, as so many of you know, is exhausting and wears on a person. And, yet...

Breastfeeding did not come easy for us. Baby + Breast = frustration! My milk was slow to come in- glacially slow- and then I had issues of low supply. He latched poorly. It hurt really badly. But, we persevered and, finally, finally!, it worked and then it was the easiest and most natural thing I had ever been a part of.

So, today, at his doctor's visit, RxMan and I were describing the way he has been waking up and screaming with pain in the night and then having really bad gas. After some questions, the doctor said it was likely lactose intolerance. To make a long story short, my milk produces lactose and his little body can't digest it, thus the gas and pain. So, after some more questions, he said that since he nurses so infrequently and for such short times, I should just wean him.

Of course, it is ultimately my decision. I can ignore the doctor's advice if I so choose. I am torn, though, because a part of me would be relieved to be finished with the nursing. I am a little tired of being the only one he wants and of being a human pacifier at 2 AM. On the other hand, though, I really enjoy the closeness that nursing provides, particularly now that he is mobile. It is often the only time he is content to be still.

I have a decision to make and I am torn. I had wanted to end the breastfeeding at my choosing- or his. I guess what I really wanted was to keep him little forever but that can't happen, I know. I don't know what I will do. I want him to sleep- desperately- and I want him to feel better. Weaning will/would occur sooner than later at this point anyway but, still... I don't know if I am ready to close the chapter on this episode of my little guy's babyhood.

What I do know: the little monster is walking! And I mean walking as in without holding on to anything! It is so cute- Her Highness says he looks like Frankenstein because of his arms held out in front for balance. Plus, he got his eighth tooth! And, he weighs 22lbs. 6 oz. and is 29 in. long. My little guy is perfectly healthy and wonderful in every way.... and growing up each day. sigh.