Haiku: In My Husband's Words

I love my wife, kids
but I love my Wii the most
Don't tell them that, though

I like to eat wings
Watch sci-fi and horror fims
Unbutton my pants

I leave my socks on
the floor, The toilet lid up
I belch and fart, too

I snore loudly, yes
That is what ear plugs are for
Deal with it, honey

My kids are fun toys
Disciplining not for me
Let my wife do it

I start many pro-
jects but don't finish them all
She'll complain anyway

My husband isn't really as bad as I have portrayed but...these are fairly accurate portrayals of him (sorry, honey!).

Go visit here and here for more Haiku fun!

Retrospective

I sat down almost a year ago and began blogging. A friend and I started around the same time; she to update friends on the happenings in her midst-of-divorce life, including the highlights and lowlights of dating. I thought I could entertain the masses and make a quick buck or several hundred.

Well, a year later, I have spent way more time and money (inadvertently) through blogging than I will probably ever recoup. I've learned some things along the way, though.

Blogging is not easy. It takes a lot of time and dedication to get a devoted audience of readers and, frankly, I don't have the time to dedicate to it. My son freaks completely out when I approach my PC or get the laptop out. And most of the time I have free must be devoted to my course work right now if I ever want to finish the friggin' degree.

It takes a lot of work. I like to write; I am a skilled technical writer. But your blogs? Wow, they knock my socks off! Some of you are just wicked funny. Others are incredibly talented photogs. There are a few of you who are both. Me? I am neither a particularly witty writer nor a photographer.

You have to have some technical know-how. And me? Not so much. It took me until 3 weeks ago to figure out how to post the haiku friday logo on my posts. Seriously. I can surf the internet and use Word but this blogging stuff? Most of it is way above my head.

And, I don't Twitter. I know, I know. AFF says I must in order to grow my readership. I have tried but do you really care that I just took a shower and am now watching the dust bunnies crawl under the stools at my breakfast bar? I do intend to make a concerted effort to learn this Twitter stuff over the summer when I am not in class (did you hear the hallelujahs surrounding that? No class for 3 months! Woot!) but I am doubtful.

Some days when I do sit down to blog it is sort of with a heavy heart. I want people to find my stuff funny or touching or worthwhile. I want the comments. You know what I mean. We all start for different reasons but the comments? They're a blogger's crack.

So, for now, I blog to stay in your lives. I love reading about your kids, in-laws, your trips. Truth be told, I know more about your lives than I do about many of the people whom I see on a regular basis. Blogging has become a community for me and that is the main reason I stick around. And this community that requires no zip code, no taxes, no real names? I am glad to consider myself a little part of it...

Haikuing Summer TV

Lost, The Office, House
Bye Sawyer, Dwight, Foreman
Enjoy your time off

I will have to watch
more Alton Brown, TLC
Summer TV sucks!

Not that I am a complete TV junkie (ahem!) or anything but, seriously, what am I gonna watch? Sure The Closer and Saving Grace are great but what about the rest of the week? And when do they even start? My DVR may just quit from lack of use.... *sigh*

So, what are you gonna watch after the season finales are over?

To see more Haiku Friday posts, go here.

Same Mom, Different Day

It has happened.

My daughter, at 8, finds me dull. Boring. Old hat.

On Monday, she had a softball game at 6:45pm that only her father or I could attend because of the lateness of it (The Conqueror goes to bed around 7pm); Daddy was tired from working 4 long days in a row and I needed a break from the little guy. So, it was decided that I would take her.

Her Highness? Was not happy. "Mommy's taking me?" Huge, overly dramatic sighs bookended this sentence, along with a defeated head bob. "But Mommy always goes!" More sighing and dramatics.

Well, this, of course, hurt my feelings a little. Logically, I know that she is going to choose her dad, who works long hours and isn't as available to join her in activities but still, what am I? Chopped liver?

Fast forward to this morning when discussion turned to Parent Interaction Day tomorrow at school. Daddy works and Grandma is planning to watch the little fella so I can go.

"Can Grandma take me?" Her Highness brightens up at this thought but Grandma would rather watch the little guy, I had already settled this. Frankly, Grandma didn't really want to go to the school but there was no way I was telling my kid this.

"Well, no, HH, Grandma is going to watch the boy so Mommy can come!" I said. I knew she really wanted her dad to go and Grandma would have been a distant second, but me? Heck, did I even register at this point?

"Ugh," she groaned. "You again?"

My daughter sure knows how to make a person feel good about herself....

WW: Friend or Foe?

Our cat has been on the attack this week: all of us are sporting wounds from her bad temper. She sits on this stool and waits for someone to venture too close or move in a way she deems wrong and tears into the offender, usually the sixteen month old.

Overheard: In Ohio, NOT Brazil

This story was related to my husband by a coworker who is the aunt of a little boy whom I'll call Sam.

Sam is three. Apparently, Sam recently discovered that he has testicles but he believes there is only one, so he calls them his "testicle".

One day while in the bathroom, Sam says, "Mommy, I think I am going to try to smash my testicle with the potty lid."

Of course, Mom answers, "Sam, you can't do that because it will hurt!"

Sam says, "Oh, no, Mommy, I think it'll be okay."

Mom says, "No, Sam, it will hurt really badly."

Sam replies, "Well, then I am going to smash your testicle with the lid to the potty."

"Well," Mommy answers, "I don't have testicles, Sam."

Sam thinks for a minute. Then he smacks his head! "Oh, I forgot! You have a beard down there."

Sam's mom related to her sister that she will no longer be showering with little Sam.

:)

Haiku Baby Hair

Check out this boy's hair!
Sticking straight up, straggly, long
Time for first haircut



Why do I feel so
sad? Another goodbye to
baby days, my last

No chullets here but still time for a first haircut, nonetheless. My neighbor, a stylist, has been recommending it for a few months but I ignored her until this week. The hair? Well, it is getting crazy and just looks badly. *sigh* With The Conqueror being more than likely my last, this is another milestone that I was dreading; another farewell to babyhood. I relished all of these little milestones with my daughter; looked forward to them. Not this time around; although the recent sleeping through the night has been wonderful....

WW: Not So Untrue or Funny

My Cup Runneth Over

Mother's Day dawned with my husband reentering the bedroom, reminding me that I had to stay in bed while Her Highness made breakfast for me, to be served in bed. So, I tarried in my room, moving from the bed into the chair. I listened, through a shut door as my son screamed, whined and demanded attention in all sorts of foreign language to my husband, who ignored him. The door was flung open and my children and husband burst in, shouting "Happy Mother's Day!"
As my son and I wrestled for the glass of juice (no spills, but he totally won), my daughter beamed with pride at the egg and toast she had cooked for the first time on her own. I was given a new charm for my Pandora bracelet, new Crocs sandals and a picture craft made at school by my daughter, as well as cards both homemade and store bought.






Unfortunately my husband worked today, so he left us on our own. I'd like to report it was a great day but, alas, it was not. Church was difficult and tiresome and my son decided to skip his afternoon nap. That sucked. I was planning a nap this afternoon, too. *sigh* While I wrestled, physically and mentally, with an exhausted, cranky, biting sixteen month old, every part of me screamed, "It's not fair! It's Mother's Day!" But, fair or not, this was my day.

As I watched my kids play in the bath together, as the day waned in to evening, I realized that even though I didn't get the pampering all mothers deserve EVERY day but especially today, I am so richly blessed. I have a husband who adores me (and I him) and a spoiled, lovely (inside and out) daughter and a cute, mischievous son. My kids are healthy. My parents are alive and healthy. I have a home: a lovely, spacious home. I have so, so much to be thankful for. So, I have decided I will not greet my husband with a barrage of gripes and complaints but a smile and a thank you for the nice gifts, his love and our children.

I hope that you found a little peace, love and happiness on this day.

Happy (belated) Mother's Day....

Haiku: Jumble

Cousins and best buds
Dance, softball, close like sisters
Will it remain so?



Sixteen months has hit
Now he hits, BITES, hollers
What am I to do?


This week was hairy
Busy with mid-terms, projects
Away from blogging

Thank God it is Friday. I have had the longest of weeks! The boy is becoming an ever increasing pain in my...side. The biting is causing trouble at the sitter's house and here. I am afraid to take him anywhere for fear he will take a chunk out of another child. Nice, huh?

So sorry, friends, that I have been so absent here and at your places but school and real life beckoned this week. Spring is busy with softball, extra dance practices and pictures and my own long college career. Now, my husband is running solo at work because the other pharmacist quit (let's all pray to the gods that this guy, who SLEEPS with the help, gets his). Ahh, what a week!

So, what's new with you?

The One About Men and Poop

Okay, we have an ongoing situation in my home.

My husband spends entirely too much time perched on our toilet. I don't get it. His feet hit the floor in the morning? He's gotta poop. He eats breakfast? Poop! Lunch? Poop. Dinner? Poop. Home from work at 9:30pm? Poop.

Now, seriously, what in God's name makes it so this man has to relieve himself 110 times a day? Honestly. I go once, sometimes twice a day, if I've eaten outside of the house. (TMI?)

I was beginning to wonder if he was trying to escape my children and myself by setting up camp in our bathrooms. That didn't make sense, though, as there are no TVs in the bathroom and my husband loves him some TV, particularly if there is a Wii and guitar attached to it.

So, then I thought, does he have a medical problem that causes him to need to do THAT 110 times a day? He assures me that he doesn't. He tells me that if something goes in, something must come out. Hmmn.

Then I came to the conclusion that the truth lies in something I figured out about 10 years ago. My husband? Yeah, he's full of... sh...poop.

Is yours?

Hai-ku'd Use Your Help

I'm going to a
Baby Shower Saturday
Must buy a gift NOW!

Don't want to break bank
What was your fav'rite item?
One YOU used the most?

See other Haiku Friday posts, here and here.

Pharmacy Funny

Just wanted to share this little bit of crazy that my husband (the pharmacist) experienced at work this week.

As usual, he was swamped (can you say $4 prescriptions?) and there was a huge line of unhappy sick people. All hands were on deck but they were really, really busy and the line was moving slowly.

One lady, particularly unhappy with the long wait, got out her cell phone and made a call.

To the pharmacy.

Yeah, the one she was in line at.

Mmm-hmmn.

She not so politely asked the technician to stop counting the pills and answering the phone and expediting the prescriptions out the door and get on the register and ring people out because she had somewhere to be and couldn't stand in the freakin' line all evening.

Mmm-hmmn.

Guess who got to wait an additional fifteen minutes? (: