Weary

I'm tired. Tired of the holidays. Tired of the mess from Christmas. Tired of being a mom. We've all felt this way, I know. This weariness is the curse of being a mother. I love my children but, please, I wish they would go AWAY for a little while.

My son has been exceedingly whiny over the last few days; yesterday I literally dragged him along from room to room as he fussed and whined while holding onto my shirt or leg. He is not ill and has no obvious excuse for his crankiness, he just is needy. Nothing could soothe him; nothing, that is, except 115% of my attention and time. I just don't have it in me to give him that. I just didn't want to. If that makes me a crappy parent, label me. I just don't care.

My daughter is out of school for Christmas break and that is a blessing and a curse in itself. When she is engaged, she is a gigantic help with the baby. He adores her and she him. But when she is done, that's it. Coupled with new distractions like a Nintendo DS, a new Webkinz and neighborhood friends she is nonexistent much of the time. Oh, unless she needs fed, clothed or has a catastrophe that requires all of me at a moment's notice.

I just would like to sleep until I'm ready to get up; not when they are. I want to eat food that I like not stuff that they will. I want to watch Saving Grace in the middle of the day despite the fact that Holly Hunter's character swears like a longshoreman. I want to nap and take long baths, not showers at the speed of light.

I'm feeling selfish and a little raw. I feel like saying "screw all of you" and taking a long drive to nowhere. Not forever just for a while. Just until I want to.

But I won't.

And even if I did, I would feel really bad and even miss the little life-sucking monsters. 'Cause they're cute. And they're mine.

Haiku Friday

I wished for a maid

I got a Roomba instead
Lazy girl's vacuum

Floor cleaning machine
Needs no human help to run
Right down my alley

Zips around, whirring
Sucking cat hair, dust, debris
I think I'm in love

Here are other Haiku Friday posts!

Wordless Wednesday: Before And After

For more Wordless Wednesday, click here.

Christmas Baby Crack

Here are some photos of The Conqueror getting a sneak peek at a Christmas gift. He was instantly in love and occupied for a looooooooooong time so Mommy and Daddy could finish wrapping. This may turn out to be his drug of choice! Woot! Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

Haiku Friday

Gifts from in-laws came
Daughter was upset again
Junk toys, handmade robes

Hand sewn robes, I say!
Made by hand but not with love
Too big, seams fall out

No measurements, 'kay?
My husband's would fit Jabba
Mine is atrocious

Why send gifts like that?
Insulting and not pretty
Trying to hurt us?

Good money wasted
Add these to the bad gifts list
Thanks for the laugh, lady!

So, it happened again; the old bag, I mean my MIL sent her annual boxes of crap and insults. This time it was homemade robes. Ugh! Too big, badly sewn, U-G-L-Y. What's more to say? I know, it's the thought that counts. But, in this case, is it? Did she make them to be nice or insinuate my husband and I were the size of UPS trucks? Honestly, though, when I made RxMan try on his (above), I freakin' peed my pants from laughing. Honest!

Happy Holidays from me to you and yours!

Go see more Haiku fun here!

Thursday Thirteen #7: My Favorite Christmas Sweet Treats

1. Snickerdoodles: Oh, these are heavenly. The recipe we use calls for cream of tartar and that just makes these cookies divine.
   
2. Chocolate Chip Cookies: The old stand-by but, hey, why mess with a classic?
   
3. Peanut Butter Cookies: Just like Grandma used to make; roll 'em in a ball and use a fork to make a criss-cross. Yummy!
   
4. Peanut Butter Blossoms: Same cookie as above but left in a ball, bake and then add a Hershey's kiss a minute before they are done. Oh, my word! The secret to these is you have to bake them with the kiss in, though, or else it isn't soft and just isn't as good.
   
5. Cut-Out Cookies: Frosting on a star-shaped cookie? Oh, yeah!
   
6. Sugar Cookies: Soft, chewy, sweet and just out of the oven. Another classic.
   
7. Dirt Pudding (aka Mud Pudding): Oreos, chocolate and vanilla pudding, cream cheese, powdered sugar and cool-whip. I am talking serious sugar coma here, folks. Almost better than sex.
   
8. Pumpkin Roll: While not really a big fan of most pumpkin foods, I think this thing rocks. Could be the cream cheese and powdered sugar frosting that is shoveled on and rolled into the log. I don't know but this is good. stuff.
   
9. Buckeyes: This candy, which are peanut butter balls dipped in melted chocolate, takes on the appearance of our favorite nut around these parts. These are as good as sex. Trust me. An Ohio favorite.
   
10. M&M Cookies: A cookie with candy in it? Oh. My. Gah!
    
11. Kettle Corn: This is the stuff you find at outdoor bazaars and craft fairs but turns up at our local mall around Christmas time. Sugar on popcorn? My teeth are aching just thinking about it.
    
12. Peanut Butter Pie: Oh, Lord, please forgive me for coveting after food! Peanut butter on an Oreo crust? Covered with cool whip? sigh.
    
13. Fudge: Peanut butter, chocolate? I don't care. Just please don't add nuts, thank you very much!

Wishing you and yours the sweetest of holidays! For more Thursday Thirteens, go here!

Wordless Wednesday: Her Highness and Her Tree

More Wordless Wednesday here.

The Invasion!

Today, I went to do some last minute Christmas shopping. I am mostly done but had some store coupons to use and a few small items I needed so I shopped. And went to Starbucks. It was pretty wonderful. The problem? Laundry. See, it still gets dirty and/or needs folded and dispatched with even if your kids are sick. Or, you are busy doing things like Christmas shopping. Or blogging. Or watching Project Runway on the DVR. What a pisser....


This is part of the dirty pile(s):
This is one of the clean baskets. (My mom would freak at this; clean laundry shoved into a basket! The wrinkles! The horror!)

So, my house has been invaded by laundry. RxMan is usually a big help but this is a weekend he worked and we all ran out of underwear. That is a problem because we can't fit into The Conqueror's diapies.

Y'know what I want for Christmas? A maid. And I don't even care if we have to kidnap her from a foreign country and hold her captive in the basement.

Haiku Friday

Antibiotic
Diarrhea, tummy ache
Price of wellness

The Conqueror has had a cough (yet again) for the last 10 days. We are now attacking it with a mega-dose of antibiotics. What fun!

It is Haiku Friday, wanna join in?

Thursday Thirteen #6: Things I Hate About Christmas

1. Buying gifts out of obligation. Like for my in-laws. Ugh. We don't see them with even the slightest of regularity and they don't like me. It sucks to buy gifts for someone with whom you share a mutual dislike. Sucks.
   
2. The hustle and bustle. I thought this was supposed to be a celebration of the birth of Jesus, not a shop-a-thon and go-into-debt-a-thon?
   
3. Cards. Okay, so maybe I don't hate Christmas cards but I hate having to reciprocate them. I send them to the 30-40 people I like and then have to continue mailing them back to Great Aunt PainInTheAss so I don't hurt her feelings or cause family nuclear war.
   
4. Keeping up with the Joneses. In my neighborhood, if one house does lights than the whole neighborhood has to and then it is a race after the 25th to remove them the fastest.
   
5. Wrapping. 'Nuff said? I used to approach gift wrapping with zeal and lots and lots of ribbon and loveliness. Now that I have children and have to wrap 4 bazillion gifts in secret? I'll wrap the little buggers in toilet paper and use duct tape; for some embellishment I might fish the TP out of the garbage.
   
6. Lying to my kid. Santa started out as a magical way to create excitement. Now? She is seven and questioning me all over the place about the big fat red guy. I keep lying. And hate. every. second. of. it.
   
7. The "perfect" gift. Is there one? And if you hit it once, can you ever achieve that again? I am exhausted at trying to find just the gift for each person. What happened to the thought behind it counting??
8. The "are they going to show up with a gift?" fretting. Don't you hate this? Worrying that your sort of good friend Ann who you rarely see will pop in on the 24th at 7pm with a gift for you and you won't have one in return. No wonder there are more suicides at this time of year!
   
9. Parties. All right, I am all for a little booze and a reason to take off the sweats but, seriously, folks, let's spread them out a little, 'kay? I have nothing to do from January through October, how's about we get together one of those months?
   
10. The baking. Admittedly, I don't bake. My husband does it. I help but he does most of the work. The problem, however, is I can't keep the stuff out of my mouth! Snickerdoodles, chocolate chip, peanut blossoms, oh, my!
    
11. Family crap. Okay, so trying to make everyone happy at this time of year is impossible. My mother expects our family to get together for dinner and gift opening on the 24th. Fine. But, then we have to get together again on the 25th for visiting and lunch. What?! This is because my husband's parents are virtually out of the picture and my sister-in-law doesn't have parents, so my mom thinks she can monopolize the entire two days. I have tried to put my foot down but it doesn't work. I want to spend time with my husband and kids. Visiting her shouldn't be expected; I should do it because I want to!
    
12. Excess. I love to buy stuff for my daughter and, now, my son. I do. But, at what point is it too much? I don't want them to be spoiled little brats who expect these extravagant gifts but, yet, I still do it. I worry I am going to raise kids who won't be appreciative.
    
13. The let down. Inevitably, it happens. Whether it is because you disappointed someone by not getting him/her the right gift or just the build-up to it didn't really match the thrill of the day. When Christmas is over, I always feel a little down. A little disappointed that it is over and that I didn't nail something or other.
    

I should say that I really love Christmas. I do. These are just a few of the things that tarnish the excitement and wonder of this time of year. Think about it, we all have a few things associated with this time of year that we hate. Admit it. I did. That's why we blog, isn't it? To commiserate with others; sharing the good, bad and ugly of life?

Here are some more Thursday Thirteen lists you may enjoy!

Wordless Wednesday: Birthday Girl

To see more Wordless Wednesday, go here.

A Wal-Mart Wedding

In Where The Heart Is, the main character marries her sweetheart in the local Wal-Mart. It made for great reading and a fun movie but, seriously, a wedding at The Wal-Mart?

Well, I didn't see a wedding at my Wal-Mart but I did see a bride and groom in full wedding attire. At first I thought, is this the cool thing to do now? Get all gussied up and go have a walk through at The Wal-Mart to kinda show off how cool and good looking you are? When I was in high school, before Wal-Mart invaded our area, kids would go to McDonald's or Taco Hell after prom in their finery just to be, I don't know, cool, I guess.

So, again, when I saw this couple dressed in wedding clothes, that was my first thought. Oh, that is a really lame thing to do but, hey, I am older and really never was one to partake in stuff like this. Then it occurred to me that it was a Tuesday morning. Hmmn. Not too many weddings occurring on a Tuesday around 11am. Hmmn.

The couple looked pretty young. He was a big guy and only had on a shirt, tie and boutonniere. She had on a thin strapless dress and carried a bouquet. It was cold and I wanted to get her a coat as I followed them in the store. They were creating quite a ruckus at The Wal-Mart as passersby pointed and cars slowed to watch them enter the building.

I got a cart and they continued on into the store. I lost sight of them while I did this but still wondered what the heck they were doing there? Soon, I discovered the reason they were there and it wasn't to buy condoms. No, indeed.

The bride and groom were getting their pictures taken. At The Wal-Mart.

I thought I had seen all that Wal-Mart had to offer before. I had not.

What is the craziest or most unexpected thing you have seen at Wal-Mart or local chain discount store?

It's All About Me!

In honor of my 100th post a few weeks ago, here are 100 things about me:

1. I am the eldest child.
   
2. I am the oldest grandchild.
3. On both sides.
   
4. I have green eyes. Not hazel. Green.
   
5. I like to dye my hair.
   
6. I have been blonde.
7. Brunette (natural).
   
8. Red.
   
9. I am 5'3". With shoes.
   
10. Green is my favorite color.
    
11. Red is a close second.
    
12. My favorite holiday is Christmas.
    
13. I like to give gifts.
    
14. I am uncomfortable receiving gifts.
    
15. I am left-handed.
    
16. So is my dad.
    
17. I always wanted a left-handed, green-eyed child.
    
18. It's not looking good so far. Both are brown-eyed and Her Highness is a rightie.
    
19. My middle name is Lynn.
    
20. Toni is my real name. Not Antonia. Or Antoinette. Toni.
    
21. I have two friends from high school.
    
22. I do not make friends easily.
    
23. I am bad at keeping in touch.
    
24. I don't really like the phone.
    
25. I was married on March 7, 1998.
    
26. It was unseasonable warm at 70 degrees that day.
    
27. I had four attendants.
    
28. I didn't invite children to my wedding or reception.
    
29. I think that was pretty crappy now that I have children.
    
30. My husband and I worked together and that is how we met.
    
31. We had our first date on Dec. 4, 1996.
    
32. I slept over. (Blushing)
33. I never slept at my own apartment again.
    
34. My parents do not know this.
    
35. We got engaged on March 20, 1997.
    
36. His mother hates me.
    
37. His father hates me.
    
38. I hate them.
    
39. It is difficult for my husband and they don't have much to do with each other because of this.
    
40. They have only seen our son once; he was 2 weeks old.
    
41. They have only seen our daughter 7 times. She is 8 years old.
    
42. My husband is adopted and an only child.
    
43. My first car was a 1980 Chevette.
    
44. I loved that car.
    
45. I was embarrassed to be pregnant. Especially the first time.
    
46. I felt like it was a big sign saying "I had sex!"
47. I am strangely uncomfortable talking about sex in relation to myself. Not others. Just me.
    
48. I didn't really enjoy being pregnant.
    
49. I was hot and sweaty.
    
50. No glowing.
    
51. I had 2 c-sections.
    
52. The second was scheduled.
    
53. I suffered with postpartum depression with my daughter. Untreated.
    
54. This was a huge contributing factor to waiting six years before trying to conceive again.
    
55. I don't like medicine.
    
56. Ironically, my husband is a pharmacist.
    
57. He works for the Evil Empire, otherwise none as Wal-Mart.
    
58. I hate Wal-Mart even though it supports my family.
    
59. I am a know-it-all.
    
60. I do know a lot of stuff, though. Useless stuff.
    
61. I love words.
    
62. I love books.
63. I love theater.
64. I am a drama queen.
    
65. I don't get enough rest.
    
66. I have asthma.
    
67. Both of my children do, too.
    
68. My grandmother and great-grandmother have/had asthma.
    
69. I have several cousins who have asthma.
    
70. Family lore has it I am descended from Jack Daniel, of Tennessee Whiskey fame.
71. I cannot substantiate this; although all of my dad's family are alcoholics so we helped support the company one way or another.
    
72. I don't drink alcohol often.
    
73. I like wine.
    
74. Moscato is one of my favorites.
    
75. My dad's father has a different last name than the rest of his family.
    
76. The nurse added an 'S' at the end while filling out the birth certificate.
    
77. My son is named after my dad.
    
78. Their names are both William. My dad is Bill.
    
79. My son is not.
    
80. My parents favored my brother.
    
81. Still do.
    
82. I wish I were more crafty.
    
83. I wish I did scrap booking.
    
84. I am disorganized.
    
85. And messy.
    
86. I am not a cleaner.
    
87. My husband says I am like the absent-minded professor because I leave things in odd places, like the TV remote in the freezer.
    
88. I like to shop.
    
89. I am irresponsible with money.
    
90. And purses. I lose them all the time.
    
91. I don't like to go into a store and not buy something, particularly little boutique-type stores.
    
92. I feel guilty all the time.
    
93. I wish I were a better mother.
    
94. And wife.
    
95. I am a bad driver.
    
96. I try to be a good mom, wife and friend.
    
97. I wish I was a better writer.
    
98. I like to read blogs.
    
99. Especially yours!
    
100. I thank you for reading mine!
     

Haiku Friday

Her birthday is near
On Sunday she will be eight
Is that possible?


Seems I just had her
Bundled up in pink; so cute
Tiny and fragile


Now so tall, growing
Smart and beautiful in, out
A bittersweet day

Do you want to Haiku, too?

Thursday Thirteen #5: The Christmas Gifts That Got Away

1. A waterbed. I'm a child of the eighties, what can I say?
2. The Barbie Dream House. Always wanted it, never got it. Mom said it was too expensive; she bought it for my daughter, though. What should I read into that?
   
3. BMW. This started showing up on my list at about age 14 and stayed there until I was 20 or so. On the bright side, I got a 1981 'vette. A chevette, that is.
4. The Michael Jackson glove and Thriller Jacket. I didn't get the clothes but I did get the curly perm.
   
5. Guess Jeans. Mom said they were too expensive and when I got the money to pay for them myself I discovered they looked really bad on me. Bummer.
   
6. Braces. Yeah, I was stupid. All my friends had 'em and I thought they were tres chic.
   
7. British Knight tennis shoes. These were all the rage at my high school and I thought I would die without them. Surprisingly, I lived.
   
8. Pound Puppy. My cousin had one and I used to hide it from her when I visited.
   
9. Swatch Watch. I actually received this one but it was stolen out of the gym teacher's desk the first day back after winter break when the jerk made me take it off for class. Still makes me sad 'cause I really wanted to have that plastic watch with the Swatch guard. sigh.
   
10. Biker Shorts. My mom wouldn't let me have these; she said I was too young but, oh, neon spandex and an oversized t-shirt! Now that was fashion...
11. Madonna's Like A Virgin. I was in 4th grade when it came out; I now get why my mom didn't buy this one. I didn't know what a virgin was then but, obviously, she did.
    
12. Parachute Pants. You know you wanted them, too! Just something about pants that made noise when you walked. Seriously.
    
13. Sweatpants with my last name on the butt. Always wanted these and my mom thought they made your butt look bigger. She assured me mine was big enough without the writing.
    

Want to see more Thursday Thirteen lists?

Wordless Wednesday: In Honor of Our First Date

To see more Wordless Wednesday, go here...

Sharing the Love...

Some of you noticed that I got another award last week (gushing with excitement!): the very cool Dixie Chick awarded me the Underblog Award and I am touched beyond words for the recognition of this little blog that could... I am passing this one on to Michel at Minnesota Madness and Robin at My Life As It Is. These two ladies have mad things to say in completely different ways. If you haven't paid a visit to these blogs, do so!


And, some time ago, Bradley at the Egel Nest awarded me The Egel Nest Blog Award and I have been keeping it over in my sidebar, polishing it up for just the right occasion to pass on. Today, I bestow that award to Kellan at On the Upside, who truly embodies the blogging eggcelence that it was intended for.


So, thanks for the recognition and, ladies, enjoy the awards!

11 Months

I never imagined that today, the day I mark my son's 11th month on earth, I would be told to stop breastfeeding. When I awoke this morning and showered and went about all of the things which are normal for me, I didn't even consider the fact that his pediatrician would recommend I wean him.

In a lot of ways, the idea of weaning The Conqueror is a relief. I have been his sole source of comfort for the majority of these last eleven months and that, as so many of you know, is exhausting and wears on a person. And, yet...

Breastfeeding did not come easy for us. Baby + Breast = frustration! My milk was slow to come in- glacially slow- and then I had issues of low supply. He latched poorly. It hurt really badly. But, we persevered and, finally, finally!, it worked and then it was the easiest and most natural thing I had ever been a part of.

So, today, at his doctor's visit, RxMan and I were describing the way he has been waking up and screaming with pain in the night and then having really bad gas. After some questions, the doctor said it was likely lactose intolerance. To make a long story short, my milk produces lactose and his little body can't digest it, thus the gas and pain. So, after some more questions, he said that since he nurses so infrequently and for such short times, I should just wean him.

Of course, it is ultimately my decision. I can ignore the doctor's advice if I so choose. I am torn, though, because a part of me would be relieved to be finished with the nursing. I am a little tired of being the only one he wants and of being a human pacifier at 2 AM. On the other hand, though, I really enjoy the closeness that nursing provides, particularly now that he is mobile. It is often the only time he is content to be still.

I have a decision to make and I am torn. I had wanted to end the breastfeeding at my choosing- or his. I guess what I really wanted was to keep him little forever but that can't happen, I know. I don't know what I will do. I want him to sleep- desperately- and I want him to feel better. Weaning will/would occur sooner than later at this point anyway but, still... I don't know if I am ready to close the chapter on this episode of my little guy's babyhood.

What I do know: the little monster is walking! And I mean walking as in without holding on to anything! It is so cute- Her Highness says he looks like Frankenstein because of his arms held out in front for balance. Plus, he got his eighth tooth! And, he weighs 22lbs. 6 oz. and is 29 in. long. My little guy is perfectly healthy and wonderful in every way.... and growing up each day. sigh.