The One About Men and Poop

Okay, we have an ongoing situation in my home.

My husband spends entirely too much time perched on our toilet. I don't get it. His feet hit the floor in the morning? He's gotta poop. He eats breakfast? Poop! Lunch? Poop. Dinner? Poop. Home from work at 9:30pm? Poop.

Now, seriously, what in God's name makes it so this man has to relieve himself 110 times a day? Honestly. I go once, sometimes twice a day, if I've eaten outside of the house. (TMI?)

I was beginning to wonder if he was trying to escape my children and myself by setting up camp in our bathrooms. That didn't make sense, though, as there are no TVs in the bathroom and my husband loves him some TV, particularly if there is a Wii and guitar attached to it.

So, then I thought, does he have a medical problem that causes him to need to do THAT 110 times a day? He assures me that he doesn't. He tells me that if something goes in, something must come out. Hmmn.

Then I came to the conclusion that the truth lies in something I figured out about 10 years ago. My husband? Yeah, he's full of... sh...poop.

Is yours?

Full of Crap, Extended Version

Okay, so I gave you the nuts and bolts version of the events of Sunday night and Monday but what I left out was that it was a horrible, horrible day. Horrible. One of the worst days I have had as a parent.

Unfortunately, RxMan and I have spent a lot of time in hospitals with Her Highness. See, she has asthma and reflux. The two illnesses together, coupled with allergies, made for one sick little girl for a long, long time.

Yesterday, as I sat in the waiting room waiting to hear if my nine month old son would need surgery a lot of uncertainty resurfaced that defined my life for HH's first 5 years. It was scary. And, as much as I wanted to be with my son, comforting him in a way that only a mommy can, I wasn't able to. I couldn't bear to witness the agony that he was going through; my own fear and trepidation would have only upset him more.

He, intuitive in that baby way, sensed that mommy wasn't the strong one yesterday. He was a daddy's boy. All day long. Daddy was the strong one; the one The Conqueror needed. I was so grateful that RxMan was there with us. So often, his freaking job pulls him away from us when there is "stuff" but not yesterday. Thank God.

My son was a limp rag doll for the biggest part of the day on Monday. He was in great pain and just lay on my husband in a way that he hasn't since he was weeks old. It frightened me. He didn't smile or shout out. He didn't wave. It was heart wrenching. Poor little man.

The radiologist assured us that these kind of things just sometimes happen. It wasn't something we did. Or didn't do. Some kids just have this happen. It may never happen again, he said. But, he also said, that this was a very severe and serious case of impaction and in just a few days it could have become dangerous.

But, as is so often the case in parenting, it was all worth it. The good news is that he is better today!! He is like the baby that used to live in my home. He is pleasant and a playing fool. He has been giggling and cooing and chasing our evil cat. It seems that the problem is fixed. We have to add a stool softener and more things like prunes and more juice but, hopefully, he will never experience another episode such as this again.

Thank you for all of your kind words, nice readers...

His Pooper's Always Stopped Up

Did that get your attention? Thought it might.

The Conqueror has been fighting constipation since we began solid foods. We have tried adding juice to his diet but can't do it in the volume that he needs (apparently) to, uh, get things moving.

So, I called the Lactation Consultants at the hospital hoping they would have some fabulous insight. Unfortunately, I got the one I don't really care for and she quickly jumped to TC having an anatomical problem that would need surgery. Oh, come on! Just 'cause he can't poop? And she's not even a doc and has never seen him. She also insinuated that he needed to start crawling to lose some weight when I told her he weighed, I guesstimate, about 21#. Nice! So, that was about 10 minutes of my life I won't ever get back.

RxMan laments "why can't our kids poop?" That is kinda true because Her Highness (who had a GREAT day at second grade, thanks for asking) had a good deal of trouble down below as an infant and then a one year old transitioning from formula to cow's milk (ugly, oh, so ugly). Then, as a toddler, she took a stool softener. So, yeah, we've been here before. HH's problems seem to be related to a resolved milk allergy and a poor toddler diet (she was finicky). She's as regular as her daddy now (TMI???)! TC isn't having any dairy so I don't think that is the issue.

So, I resorted to something that many of you will gasp at. Those of you who personally know me will be shocked that I would do something so old school. The youngest of you will not even know what I am talking about. But, before I tell you my secret weapon against constipation, let me assure you it was truly a last resort. We have added "real" veggies, more juice and less food. He is not dehydrated. And, our ped (a wonderful, wonderful doc) says this is okay on occasion. We are using Karo syrup.

My mom and her four siblings took it every day in with their Pet milk and water combo. Check with your folks, they probably did, too. Rest assured, this is not our long term solution because we assume as TC gets more mobile and eats more people food, things will soften up on their own, as it were. But in the meantime, we went old school. Does that make me cool and rebellious?

Yeah, didn't think so.

PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALLIE!!!!!