Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Complete

Today has been on my mind for a few weeks.

I had an appointment with the OB-GYN today (no, I am NOT pregnant, in case you were wondering). An appointment I have been worrying over and dreading and considering canceling.

This appointment was to have a Mirena placed.

I have been stewing over this appointment because I was afraid it would hurt. I was afraid my uterus was weakened by 2 c-sections and would tear, resulting in an immediate and emergency hysterectomy.

I also was afraid of what I would feel like after it was done. This decision sort of signaled to me that I am done bearing children and even though I knew this was the right decision for me I still didn't know how it would feel, you know?

Before my son was born I always left the door open to more children. When I looked at babies, my arms and uterus ached. I picked out names. I browsed the baby section. I knew I wasn't done.

But, after his birth I felt like I didn't want to do it again- the pregnant thing. I am not pretty; nor do I glow during pregnancy. I just get swollen and sweat. And puke!

Still, though...

I didn't want to close the door completely. I couldn't. I feel good that I went through with it. I feel a sense of relief that I didn't expect to: I am safe from pregnancy for at least 5 years (well, I will be in a month). Instead of feeling sad about that, I find that I am feeling, well, free.

I have a gorgeous son and a beautiful daughter. This didn't make the possibility of another child gone forever just a little more difficult to achieve.

And it totally didn't hurt as bad as I expected. And, that is ALWAYS a good thing.

So, tell me something new with you....

2 comments:

wright said...

Glad to hear it didn't hurt and that you are feeling good about your decision.

Kellan said...

This was a big decision - I'm glad it went well and you feel good about it.

See you soon - Kellan